Explaining yourself or telling your side of things might feel good, but sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. Learn how to tell when it is best to stay silent and when it’s best to speak up and have your say.
“Knowing when to speak up and when to shut up will get you very far not only in business but in life.”- Sophia Amoruso
They say silence is golden, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it pays to be silent. When you’re talked about, accused, or treated badly, it might seem like taking up for yourself is necessary- but is it? Is it better to be silent, let people think what they want to, and allow your reputation to speak for itself? Is it best to correct people when they say something to you that you don’t like? Join Mysticsense to find out. Discover the benefits of keeping quiet and the benefits of speaking up. Find out when it is best to speak your truth and when it’s best to not justify what someone has said or done with a response. Finally, learn our tips for how to say difficult things. It’s not always necessary to say something, but when it is, nobody can say it better than you!
Why Be Silent?
“Keep silence for the most part, and speak only when you must, and then briefly.”- Epictetus
There is a time to be silent and each of us have to decide for ourselves whether to be silent or to speak. Sometimes you don't need to say anything at all because people already know what's going on. Silence can be seen as a lack of communication by some people, but it's not good to talk too much. Too much information can be seen as oversharing, and it can make people uncomfortable. Silence also keeps your business private. Not everybody deserves to know all of the thoughts that you have, and not everybody has a right to know everything about you. There's a difference between sharing to connect with people and telling people things that they really don't need to know. Some things are best kept secret in the silence of your heart. One secret we hide is our shadow selves, and you can read about that here: The Unconscious Self: Embracing the Dark Side
Why Speak Up?
“ If the voice was meant to be silent we wouldn’t have ears for listening.” – Veronica Purcell
Sometimes it's important to speak though, because speaking the truth brings it to light. People don't know everything, and sometimes it's our job to help enlighten them. When we share and educate one another, we create more knowledge. Sometimes speaking up battles injustice or it exposes the whole truth. Speaking up can improve communication in our relationships and bring us closer to people. Sometimes when we share our struggles and how we're overcoming them, it helps someone else with the same struggle to feel supported and gives them ideas of how to overcome. Human beings are blessed with the ability to communicate, and sometimes it makes all the best things happen when we do. It takes courage to speak up. Learn how to be courageous here: Find Your Inner Courage and Embrace Your Power
Knowing When to Keep Quiet
“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” – Elbert Hubbard
Keeping quiet is sometimes the best course of action. Sometimes secrets need to be kept, and privacy needs to be maintained. When someone isn't listening to you it's not worth wasting your breath. When you're not ready to speak up, it’s ok to stay silent. When saying something won't help anything or it could cause problems, go ahead and stay silent.
To Maintain Privacy
Privacy is something that everybody deserves. If speaking up exposes something that someone needs to keep private, it's best to be silent. You also have a right to preserve your own privacy. Maybe your secret isn't something to be ashamed of, but it's yours and it's nobody's business unless you want it to be. People will appreciate you respecting and protecting their privacy, especially if you have an opportunity to expose them. When privacy is important, stay silent. The Zodiac signs hold their own secrets but you can find out what they are here: The Zodiac Signs Dark Secrets
When They’re Not Listening
Some people just don't listen. No matter how many times you've explained and no matter how many different times you've reworded it, some people just don't get it. So, why bother? Some people feel that it is important to try and educate other people, but not everybody wants to be educated. Sometimes you just have to let them be wrong because they insist on it. That's ok. There will be other people who listen and will appreciate you explaining things to them, so don't waste your time on people who don't listen.
When You’re Not Ready
Sometimes you're just not ready to speak up, and that's all right too. It takes a lot to get ready to speak up especially when what you have to say is a big deal. You may need time to find the right words, or you may be waiting for the right time to say something. Breaking difficult news to people, announcing that you're leaving a situation, or even just standing up to someone who's hurt you can take a lot of preparation. Give yourself all the time that you need and then speak up. You will know when you are ready. Well, when you are ready, you might be ready for commitment, and you can read all about how you know you are here: How to Know When You’re Ready to Commit
When It Won’t Help
Sometimes speaking up doesn't help anything, and staying silent does. Uncomfortable truths might be best kept hidden. Talking might not even make a difference, so it's a waste of time to speak up. When saying something won't help, stay silent.
When It Would Cause Problems
The truth might be the truth, but sometimes the truth causes problems. Unkind opinions, reminding people of things that upset them, or things that pick a fight are all things we can do without hearing about. If speaking up doesn't help anything, but it causes unnecessary problems, it's best to stay silent. Vices can cause problems too, but you can beat them. Find out how here: Understanding Your Vices and Overcoming Them
Knowing When to Say Something
“ Speak your mind out and the truth will either draw strong minds near you or will offend the weak ones.” – thediaryforlife.com
There comes a time when you have to speak up. To keep misunderstandings from happening, speaking up can give clarification. Sometimes it's respectful to say something. Other times you want to have your say. Speaking up can make you feel better about a situation. The number one way you know to speak up is when you decide it is time.
When It Clarifies
Misunderstandings can easily be avoided when we explain things. You may think that you've explained something, but if someone doesn't understand it, it's helpful if you will explain it until they do. It takes more time and effort, but it's worth it. Some people say it's not our responsibility to make ourselves understood, but isn't it? Explaining something until it's clear helps other people to understand you, and it helps to make sure you're understood. Everybody wins!
To Be Respectful
One of the ways to show people that you respect them is to tell them the truth. That means speaking up sometimes. Especially in relationships, the truth brings us closer together, and if you know something but don't reveal it, it might compromise the trust in the relationship. Pointing out an uncomfortable truth at your job shows respect for the people who you work with and speaking up about problems can be the beginning of finding the perfect solution. Speak up when it's respectful. Speaking of respect, proper respect of cultures is important, and cultural misappropriation is in no way respectful. Learn what cultural misappropriation is and isn’t here: Cultural Misappropriation- What It Is and Isn’t
To Have Your Say
Sometimes it's important to say what's on your mind and to make sure that you are heard. Your thoughts and feelings are valid and speaking them makes them more real to other people. Everybody has the right to be listened to and speaking up will put people on notice that it's time for them to listen. Not everybody cares about what other people have to say, and it's important to remind them that they should. Speak up and have your say.
To Feel Better
Sometimes saying something makes you feel better. When someone has hurt your feelings, telling them that they did is the first step to healing those hurt feelings. When you love someone, and you want them to know it, then say it. Sometimes revealing something hidden gets it off your chest. Other times you just want someone to listen. When speaking up makes you feel better, go ahead and speak up. Peace of mind makes you feel better too. Find out how to get it and keep it here: The Mind and Peace: Protecting Your Peace
When It’s Time
While there is a time to be silent while you're deciding when and how to speak up, there will come a time when you know you are ready to say something. That's when it's time. If you don't say something when you feel like it's time, you will regret it. So, take a deep breath, get the person’s attention, and speak your truth. You will know when it's time.
How to Say Difficult Things Well
“ It’s not what you say, but how you say it!”- Mae West
Sometimes people question whether they should speak up or be silent because they have the uncomfortable job of saying something that's difficult. Like the late great Mae West said, the way you say things matters. When you have to say something difficult, think carefully about people's feelings and what the consequences are. Try to focus on the positive first and then speak respectfully. Speak the whole truth and then stop and listen after you have finished speaking.
Think Carefully
Take as much time as you need to think about the proper way to say something. Try to avoid using inflammatory tones or accusations and try to think about the best time to say things. If someone is sick, wait until they get better before you tell them something difficult. Think about the best place to say something. Maybe you need complete privacy, or maybe you need to say something in front of witnesses. Think before you speak when you have to say something difficult.
State Positives First
When you have to say something difficult, especially if it's bad news, try to focus on the positive. For example, if you have to tell someone they didn't get the scholarship they applied for, you can suggest other scholarships you think they might get and offer to give them a reference. If you have to tell someone they didn't pass a test, you can remind them of all of their other accomplishments first. Sometimes even if the news isn't the best, it's not all bad. Positive affirmations can be focused on daily and you can read about them here: The Power Of Positive Affirmations
Use a Respectful Tone
Respect is important. When you speak to someone respectfully, it makes it easier for them to listen to you. Speaking to someone respectfully demonstrates that they're important to you. It demonstrates that you care about their feelings, and you validate their rights as a human being. It also demonstrates that you understand how difficult receiving bad news can be. When you establish a tone of respect in your communications, it makes it easier for you to say things that are difficult and it makes it easier for people to listen.
Be Honest
While you're being respectful, don't disrespect people by withholding the truth. Be honest. Sharing difficult things is hard enough. Withholding crucial facts will make this situation even more difficult. The truth hurts sometimes, but the truth is always the truth, so tell the truth. Keep in mind that quite often people will find out the truth even if they don't find out from you. So, if you're telling somebody something difficult, go ahead and tell them all of it. They have a right to know. Some truths are believed to be universal, but are they? Find out here: Are Golden Rule Truths Universal Teachings?
Listen After Speaking
One of the most important things to do after you deliver difficult news is to stop and listen to what the person you’ve shared it with has to say. They may need to share their feelings, or they may have questions, but you won’t know that until you listen to them. Speaking is a big part of communication but so is listening. So, once you finish speaking, let them speak as well.
There's a time to be silent, but there's also a time to speak. It's not always easy to know whether to say something or be quiet, but there are ways to decide. Say something when it clarifies things or shows respect. Say something when you want to have your say or feel better. More than any time, say things when you decide it's time to. Sometimes it's better to stay quiet to preserve privacy, not waste your breath on people who don't listen, prevent yourself from saying something unhelpful, or be quiet until you're ready to speak. Even if what you have to say is difficult, you think it through, focus on the positive first, speak respectfully and honestly, and then listen to people. Search your heart, search your mind, and you will know whether to speak or be silent.
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