The human memory is a mysterious part of who we are that brings us closer together with people who we love but it can also break us apart. Find out how memories influence us, how making memories happens, and how to improve the memory.
Think back to some of your fondest memories and how those shaped your view of your life. Then think back to some sad memories and how those have shaped you. Memories are from the past, yes, but our memories shape our lives today and they will shape our lives in the future. Join Mysticsense to explore what memories are and the power they hold. Find out how and why we select things to remember and why we forget things. Discover how memories affect relationships we have with ourselves and with other people and how to make great memories. Are there ways to improve your memory? You bet. Read on to find out how!
What is the Memory?
“ A person’s memory is everything, really. Memory is identity. It’s you.”- Stephen King
The memory is the part of the mind that stores information. Relationships, personal identity, language, and skills are all possible because we remember things. There are multiple areas of the brain that work together to make sure we remember things and things like emotional reactions and stress can impair our view of things and alter our recollection of things. Smelling a familiar smell can trigger memories and hearing music can as well. There are different parts of our memory, but two types are short-term and long-term memory.
Short-Term Memory
Short-term memory is temporary storage of information to be used short-term. It is kept readily available, and is information you use instantly. It is also called operative memory and holds onto information for anywhere between about 15 and 30 seconds. The short-term memory is used to help learn new things, understand the environment, and help us to problem solve. Then, important information will be transferred over to long term memory.
Long-Term Memory
Long-term memory is where memories are stored for a longer period of time, and these memories may stay with you for life. This helps you recall important life events, things you have learned and information that is useful long-term. Things can go into long-term memory quickly and can stay with you for life. Procedural long-term memories are from things we learn through regular practice like playing the guitar. Declarative long-term memories are facts, experiences, events, and rules we can remember.
Both short-term and long-term memory can be affected by emotions. Extremely traumatic memories may be suppressed for many years, if they are ever remembered at all, and especially happy memories are things that enhance mood, bring people closer together, and can boost our self-esteem. Two people can have a completely different emotional reaction and it will affect whether they commit the event to memory or not. Zero emotional reaction makes you less likely to remember something, but if you have an emotional reaction, you are more likely to remember it. Remembering things from the past helps us to understand what is going on now and react accordingly. Read more about remembering your ex and whether you can be their friend or not:Ex-Relationships: Signs of Attention-Seeking Ex.
Is My Memory Selective?
“ The selective memory isn’t selective enough.”- Blake Morrison
Is the human memory selective? To answer that question, think of a time when a friend or lover broke up with you and you did not want the breakup. When you are trying to keep the breakup from happening, you may have remembered the good times and how much you loved them. Did you forget about the fights and times you were both unhappy? Did you forget the fact they cheated twice and said they don’t believe in marriage when you asked them to marry you?
Selective memory is our mind’s tendency to pick and choose what it recalls from events. You may be fully aware of everything that is happening, but focus on certain things. Years after that breakup, you might start remembering things like how they forgot your birthday but expected you to make a big deal out of theirs. We filter memories and create a bias unconsciously. We tend to remember what feels most important, and our memory might not always retain all the details of things. So yes, memory is selective.
Why Do I Forget Things?
“ Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.”- Friedrich Nietzsche
Forgetfulness isn’t fun, but it happens. Why do we forget things? Some things are not worth remembering, literally! If information is not serving you immediately, you might not commit it to long term memory at all. You might forget something because you have too many other things to remember. Medical conditions like anxiety and symptoms like fatigue can make you forget. Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia make us forget things sometimes too. Does “old age” make us forgetful if there are no medical conditions? Yes. Part of the reason we remember less as we grow older is our brains change. As we get older, it becomes more difficult to change and learn new things, but remember that as we age, we do have more to remember.
In your 20’s you might have had children, but in your older years, you still have those kids, and also grandkids. You will have progressed at your job, and have more responsibility as well as higher skills and a more vast knowledge base. Before you retire, you will probably be helping to train younger, newer workers who need your expertise and guidance, and truthfully, the more you have to remember, the more you will forget. We also gradually lose brain cells as we age and that is normal. So, there are a lot of different reasons everyone forgets things. One thing you never forget is how bad a loss hits and you can learn about dealing with grief here:How Can We Deal with Loss and Communicate with the Dead?
How Memories Affect Relationships
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”- Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou was right. How things make us feel affects how our relationships go. What are your memories with the people you love? The way you handle disagreements and conflicts will be remembered. When you get upset, how do you react? Do you yell, name call, and shame the people you love? Are you one of the people who wants to discuss things in a fair and levelheaded way? Are you involved with someone who hurts your feelings when they get upset?
Remembering how people made you feel will decide whether you feel close to them or whether you feel separated from them. Things like harsh words, infidelity, inflexibility, selfishness, neglect, and ridicule shatter trust and destroy relationships. Even if somebody says they are sorry for hurting you, if what they did was bad enough that you stay hurt, the relationship might never recover. Some people expect forgiveness to be instant and for the people they have hurt to completely forget what they have done, but quite often, that doesn’t happen.
Likewise, kindness, consideration, nice words, attention, empathy, quality time together, and all forms of good emotional experiences are remembered. When there are all these good experiences, it makes people want to stay together. Sharing good experiences can bring us closer together, but sticking together in tough times can too. If you and someone you love lean on each other for support during difficulties, it builds trust and a feeling of togetherness. It shows you that when things get tough in the future, you will have someone to lean on for love and support. Read about love and relationships here:All About Love and Relationships
How Memories Affect Our Self-Image
“ Self awareness allows you to self correct.”- Bill Hybels
Memories affect our self-image, which directly affects our self-esteem. Do you remember the time you made the biggest mistake of your life? What about the biggest heartbreak you went through? There may have been warning signs about past mistakes you either ignored or did not recognize. Do you take this as a learning experience and an opportunity to grow, or do you put yourself down because you made mistakes? Being down on yourself for past mistakes negatively affects the self-image you have today and it’s not good.
Don’t focus on making yourself feel embarrassed for past mistakes. Focus on how much you have learned and improved and how far you have come. The way to turn what you consider embarrassing memories into positive ones is through positive affirmations. Instead of saying “I was young and stupid and in love. That’s why I fell for that idiot who ruined my life,” say “I was open to experiencing that relationship because my love was true. It was not my fault it was not reciprocated. I learned to recognize the red flags of selfish lovers from that relationship, and I am proud to say I have never been in another relationship like it since.” Read about how to tell if someone loves you here:What Are the Symbols of Love?
How to Make Great Memories
“ A good life is a collection of happy memories.”- Denis Waitley
The best way to make good memories is to spend quality time with people and treat them well. That is all it takes. People remember moments and events we spend together, not things. Your sister will remember the time you took a day off work to take her out for her birthday, and your best friend will remember the time you climbed a tree to rescue the cat for them. It doesn’t necessarily take a lot of money or a lot of effort to make a great memory. Some simple things to do to make great memories include:
Taking your friends on a picnic
Dropping food off for a friend who forgot their lunch
Pet sitting overnight during an emergency
Surprising a sick neighbor with their favorite ice cream
Letting your employees leave one hour early because the weather is really nice
Letting the kids choose what is for dinner once a week
Not saying you hate your daughter’s new tattoo- even though she knows you disapprove
Learning to cook your partner’s favorite food
Giving someone a nice compliment
Thanking someone for a job well done
Baking for people
Teaching someone how to do something
Letting a friend call off when they are tired
Saying you will take a raincheck when you can’t show up- and actually rescheduling
Actually changing your behavior when you know you were wrong
How to Improve Memory
“ To improve short-term memory significantly, reduce the stress in your life. And choose your parents wisely.”- John Medina
While it is true that reducing stress can help to improve your memory, there are a few other techniques you can use. Make lists of what you need to remember, prioritizing what is most important first. Speaking of prioritizing, if there is something you can remove from the list, do it. Do you really have to do three different volunteer positions? Do you really have to attend the party you don’t want to? Bunch your tasks as well. This is done by setting aside time to specifically do one task, like returning emails and phone calls all at once. Make sure to keep track of all the calls and emails you have to return and then when time to do it comes, you will have all the contacts in one place, making sure you don’t forget any of them.
Memory exercises like saying new people’s names aloud multiple times in a conversation with them will help you to remember. If you need to remember something like medication, make sure to take your meds the same time every day, and use a pill dispenser so you can check to see if you took your meds. Giving your pet a treat right before or after you perform a daily task will help, because believe it or not, pets remember treat time better than their humans do. When your dog or cat starts following you around, wondering where their treat is, it will help to remind you to do your daily task if you forget.
Staying organized helps you to remember things. Sometimes, you can’t do everything as often as you like, but keeping things set aside in their place will help you to remember to do them. Do you forget to take the recycling bin out sometimes? Putting recyclables in the bin each time you are finished with them will keep reminding you of the recycling, and it will make you less likely to forget. Repeating a task on the same day each week or each month helps too. If you always give your dog her monthly flea treatment o n the 1st of the month, it will make it easier to remember each month. If you always check the roses to see if they need pruned on Mondays, it will be easier to remember. Simple things like this will help you remember things.
Perhaps the human memory seems mysterious, but once you understand it, you can unlock its power. Our memories select how we remember certain things instead of others and memories can make or break relationships. It might be tempting to focus on embarrassing memories, but it’s always better to focus on how much we have learned and grown so we can be proud of our progress. Making great memories is a choice, and memory improvement is within your grasp. Memories might be of the past, but everything that has happened is what shapes who we are today and what our future will be like. May your memories be good, the ones you create today be better, and tomorrow’s memories be the best of all.
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