Conflicts can make even the best relationships suffer, and can even destroy relationships. It doesn’t have to. Learn why conflict happens, and how to find the best conflict resolution strategies that benefit everybody.
Things can be running smoothly and all the sudden, out of nowhere, members of your team can be at each other’s throats. You look around for someone to diffuse the situation and come up with solutions- but nobody is around to help. It slowly dawns on you that YOU are the one who will have to resolve this ugly conflict, but you don’t know how. You came to the right place, because we will walk you through managing conflicts from why they happen, to why they cause fights, and some things to remember when you are the one who has to handle them. There are five perfect techniques you can use to do that, and by the time you read this article, you will have all the tools to solve any conflict, and everybody might want you to do it from now on!
What is Conflict?
Conflict is a disagreement that happens when people have different views, priorities, or needs. When people or groups are in opposition with one another and their wishes are incompatible, it can cause a lot of problems, and this is called conflict. At best it can be an argument, and at worst it can turn into war. We can have conflict with family members, with people in our community, and our own neighborhoods, with our friends, or even in our own homes. We can always hope that things can be worked out quickly and peacefully, but that doesn’t always happen.
Some of the biggest disputes start out as simple conflicts. In Italy in 1325, a war was fought- over a bucket. To be fair, the cities of Bologna and Modena had been fighting over their loyalty to the Pope or the Holy Roman Emperor, but the war was started because someone from Modena took a bucket from a Bolognese well. About 30,000 Bolognese soldiers were defeated by about 7,000 Modenese soldiers- and to this day, Modena flaunts the bucket. Some say the war was not started over the bucket, but was it?
Think of conflicts you have witnessed. As a child, you probably saw other children fighting over a particular toy- when there were plenty of other toys to play with instead. You may have seen grown adults arguing over who got to the checkout line at the store first- when waiting five minutes to let someone else go ahead of them would not hurt anything. You have probably seen people cutting one another off in traffic and heard couples arguing over where to go out to eat dinner instead of compromising. Plenty of conflicts could be resolved or simply ignored, couldn’t they? People don’t always seem to mind conflicts and some don’t even mind going to war. Read about goddesses and gods of war here: Who is the Goddess and God of War? | Mysticsense
Why Conflict Happens
Conflict happens because we all have goals, needs, and beliefs, and not everybody agrees with us about those things. Conflict happens because people are unfair sometimes. If a neighbor expects to use the neighborhood picnic area every single Saturday all day long and doesn’t want to let anybody else use it, neighbors are going to have a problem with that. People are not the only ones who have conflicts. Animals do too. Stray cats fight over territory, and birds in the wild do too. Misunderstandings can cause conflict too. If your new supervisor at work did not express new expectations to the team, management is going to assume your team failed to meet requirements. It’s going to be a mess if they scold employees for not knowing something they were not told. Any form of opposition can cause conflict if it isn’t handled well.
Why Conflict Causes Fights
People sometimes go into fight mode when there is conflict. It’s just human nature to want to fight for what is important to you. People feel threatened when things don’t go their way. Being in a situation that you have no control of feels dangerous, especially when you feel like your livelihood is on the line. That is why conflict in the workplace can turn so ugly. Conflicts in relationships feel threatening because they can compromise how you live your own life. Conflicts can be approached as an “us and them” situation, or as an opportunity for people with different needs to come together and create a mutually beneficial outcome. Conflicts get nastiest when people are not willing to come together to compromise or find solutions, but they are more interested in making things go exactly the way they personally want. Respect can help diffuse conflicts. Find out how to get and give respect here: The Art of Being Respectful and Being Respected | Mysticsense
What to Remember
When it comes to conflicts, there are a few things to keep in mind. People have needs, and those shouldn’t be disregarded. Conflict is driven by stress, and if stress is removed, the conflict can go away. If there has been a misunderstanding, explaining things can fix the problem. Clashing personalities present special problems that aren’t always easy to fix, though.
People Have Needs
We all want things, but it's typically the things that we need that drive us harder. If you need a job, you will fight harder for it than somebody who doesn't need it. When somebody sees that you're competing with them for the job that you need, they might get very angry with you even if they know you need the job and they don't. If there is an open space in your neighborhood and everybody might offer opinions about what it should be used for. Those who feel they need to have a playground for their kids might fight hardest for it. Some needs are very dire and when somebody feels more desperate to meet a need, They're going to work for that.
Stress Drives Conflict
Sometimes there's actually nothing wrong. People are just tired, stressed, fed up, that are just acting out because of that. Overworked employees can become irritable over the tiniest things, things that hold no importance at all. For example, a medical facility cut all of their staffing in every department by about 20%. Petty squabbles started to break out among employees because everybody had to pick up more of a workload. Instead of recognizing the fact that they were stressed, they attacked each other. Corporate administration used it as an opportunity to give lower raises that year, and the employees fought amongst themselves more. Stress creates conflict where there wasn’t any. Stress can make relationships fail too, but they don’t have to. Read about what to do about relationship failure here: Why Do Relationships Fail? How Can You Prevent It? | Mysticsense
Misunderstandings Happen
We all misunderstand things sometimes. Sometimes someone thinks they explained something to us, but it just didn't make sense. Sometimes we didn't hear what was said, didn't have all the information, or may have thought something happened differently than it actually did. Confusion can be the most frustrating situations, and it can set people in opposition. The best way to deal with this is to explain things so that everybody understands. The difficult part about that is you can't always tell that a misunderstanding happened! Ask if you want to know if people understood.
Personalities Clash
Clashing personalities create more conflict than can be expressed. Someone who is a free spirit will be especially annoyed with someone who tries to impose unnecessary rules on them. People who keep their gardens and exteriors of their homes impeccably clean will clash with their next-door neighbor if their neighbor does not keep their property clean. In families, oftentimes, outspoken family members will clash with quiet shy family members who just want to be left alone. This type of conflict can easily be resolved if the people with different personalities will just respect one another's differences and be at peace with that. This is very difficult to do, however and mediation might be necessary. Geminis are famous for their mediation skills and you can read more about that Zodiac sign here: Gemini Traits | Star Sign in The Spotlight | Mysticsense
Conflict Resolution
There are ways to solve any conflict. Some people are just naturally good at that. What are their secrets? People who are excellent at conflict resolution know how to pick their battles wisely. We don't have to have a conflict about everything. Stepping aside from your emotions will put you ahead of the game in conflict resolution. If you include everybody in the discussions about resolving the conflict, it's a big help. Explaining things patiently, thoroughly, and in as many different ways as you have to will help resolve conflicts. Instead of viewing the conflict as a problem, focus on solutions.
Pick Your Battles Wisely
Not everything is worth getting into a debate about. Some conflict can be avoided by simply ignoring it. Maybe it annoys you in the middle of the day when your neighbors dogs and kids are out playing. Do you really want to scold your neighbor for having a healthy child and dog that is enjoying the nice weather and playing outside during the day? Maybe your coworker annoys you in the lunchroom because you think they chew their food too loudly. Are you really going to pick a fight with them at lunch at work to tell them not to chew that way? You might not like your teenager’s music. If you can step out of the room and not hear it, is it really necessary to criticize them? Think very carefully as to whether it's worth having a conflict to begin with and you might resolve it before it even starts.
Disengage Emotionally
When our emotions flare, sometimes we shut our brains off. We say and do things in the heat of the moment that we will later come to regret. Had we laid our emotions aside before we reacted to something, perhaps a conflict could have been averted. Sometimes the conflict has already started and other people are being very inflammatory. If you can stay calm and appeal to their sense of reason, they might feel reassured and calm down themselves. When you have to mediate a conflict between two people, it is important that you are calm, cool, and collected so that you can think clearly. You can always stay silent until you have your emotions under control. Find out when it’s best to stay silent here: When to Be Silent | Mysticsense
Include Everybody in Discussions
One of the worst things you can do when you have to resolve a conflict is to leave some of the people who are included out of the conversation. When people are openly fighting, you may need to talk to them separately from one another, but you need to talk to all of them. You need to find out from everybody what happened, how they feel, and what they would like to see happen. When you listen to people, they feel heard, respected, and valued. Sometimes that's all it takes to get people to agree to compromise and end conflicts.
Explain Things Patiently
Some people are terrible at explaining things. If you want to resolve conflicts you should learn to be good at it. Sometimes people don't realize the way that things are and if you explain it to them they won't feel that there's any conflict at all. Even if they still feel like there's a conflict, understanding other people's views and needs can help them to accept things better. If somebody doesn't understand the first time you explain it to them, explain it again. If they still don't understand, ask them what they're confused about and explain it. You may have to reword things or just wait for what you've said to sink in. Be patient when you're explaining things to people and that can help you resolve conflicts. Not everybody is patient but you can learn to be. Find out how here: The Ultimate Guide to Learning Patience | Mysticsense
Focus on Solutions
The number one goal of conflict resolution is to find solutions. Don't focus on the problems, what frustrates you, or how annoyed you are that you have to deal with the conflict. Approach a conflict as something that a solution exists to, and seek that solution. If you're lucky, the people involved will have suggestions, and their good ideas might resolve the conflict almost as quickly as it started.
Some People Are Never Satisfied
There's one thing that you need to remember. Sometimes no matter what you say, and no matter what you do, somebody will choose to be unhappy with whatever solutions you come up with. These are people who may be chronic complainers or who are just naturally unhappy people. They may be the ones that complain the most and they might be the ones least likely to offer other solutions when they don't like the solutions that you suggest. Sometimes, even after you have found the perfect solution to accommodate everybody involved, someone has something negative to say about it. You can't change them, and you can't make everyone happy. So, just do the best you can and that's good enough.
Conflicts can completely ruin things for everybody- but they don’t have to. Remember, when it’s your time to step up and resolve conflicts, everybody has needs, stress exacerbates things, and misunderstandings happen. If you emotionally disengage, pick your battles carefully, explain things well, including everybody in the conversation and focus on finding solutions, you can resolve almost any conflict- IF everybody is onboard. Some people are never, ever satisfied, no matter what, and that’s on them. So, resolve all the conflicts you can- and don’t worry about people who won’t resolve things with you.
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