Toxic positivity is a form of denial of reality and a sign of unaddressed fears. Learn toxic positivity definition, why forced positivity is a bad thing and how to respond when toxic positivity hits.
Life’s problems can completely swallow us – but some people believe they have the perfect solution to keep that from happening. They become toxically positive, denying problems, and only “looking on the bright side.” Sometimes, people impose this mindset on us, and other times, we do it to ourselves, but it’s never helpful, and it actually makes everything worse. Join Mysticsense to find out all about toxic positivity. Find out what it is, and the ugly truth about why it happens. Discover some surprising examples of how it sneaks in and how to respond to it. Finally, learn what positive affirmations to use instead of toxic positivity, and how these can put you in control instead of letting toxic positivity control things.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is a mindset of denial that some people use to reject reality. They tell themselves and other people that things aren't as bad as they seem, and they focus only on things that make them happy. It is a technique that is used to not only deny how bad things are, but to escape the responsibility of dealing with things. People who engage in toxic positivity say that they are just keeping a positive outlook, but they're actually not. They deny the reality of things like sadness, illness, chronic pain, and disappointment, choosing to ignore those feelings.
Toxic positivity can be extremely dangerous. Denying financial problems and spending too much money will make your financial problems worse. Denying problems with your health and refusing to get it taken care of will make you sicker. Denying problems in your relationships means the problems won't get solved and it may destroy your relationships. People who practice toxic positivity like to say that they're not dwelling on their problems, and it's true that over focusing on things can make them seem worse than they actually are. However, ignoring things doesn't make them go away and toxic positivity keeps you from being in touch with reality.
Why Does Toxic Positivity Happen?
Toxic positivity happens for one reason only- fear. If you deny problems, you believe there are none. Then you can’t look for solutions and the problems either never get better, or they are allowed to get much worse. People who practice toxic positivity create a universe that is out of touch with reality and this unreality only exists in their own minds. This is the unreality that they function within and instead of living consciously in the real world. They tell themselves that if they believe something, that their belief will make it come true. They are too afraid of accepting things for the way that they really are, and they reject reality to make themselves feel better. One problem you won't want to ignore is burnout, and you can learn the solutions to burnout here: The Signs and Solutions for Being Burned Out
Toxic Positivity Examples
Toxic positivity takes a lot of ugly forms. Shaming people who are sick as well as pretending to give a compliment when it's actually an insult are just two forms of toxic positivity. Dismissing feelings, being overly optimistic, and feeling guilt for your own emotions or other forms of toxic positivity.
Sick Shaming
Some of the people who practice toxic positivity believe that people will themselves to be sick and all they have to do is think themselves better. Medical science has proven that to be wrong. We are only mortal, and our bodies can only heal from so much. Even if our bodies are healing, it takes time, and sometimes it hurts. Anyone who tells a sick person that they need to heal themselves with the power of their mind is practicing toxic positivity and they need to stop it.
Insults Disguised as Compliments
“ You look so good because you have lost so much weight. You took up two seats instead of one just a year ago.” This might be worded as a compliment about how great you look, but someone who says a thing like that wants to tell you that they think you used to look awful. An opinion like that should never be shared, but an opinion like that says a lot about the person sharing it. It says that they are trying too hard to focus on the positive, but they really have a negative mindset. Abusers will insult you if they want to. Read here to find out if you are a victim of abuse: Are You Abused? | The Signs You May Be
Bragging
Watch how some people who practice toxic positivity brag about how positive they think they always stay. Some of them like to compare themselves to others and say how much more of a positive person they are than everybody else and how their positive mindset gets them through difficulties that other people are struggling with. They may brag for attention or they may brag to make themselves feel better, but bragging about how their so-called positivity fixes every problem in their life is actually very negative.
Denying Problems
There comes a time when we have to stop dwelling on the things that we can't change. There also comes a time when we have to face our problems instead of running from them. Pretending that a problem doesn't exist because you say that focusing on the problems is a “negative mindset” does not make the problems go away. It shows everyone that you're too scared to face the problems going on in your own life. It is very important to think realistically about problems and you can read about the power of mindset here:The Power of Mindset
Dismissing Feelings
Dismissing so-called negative feelings like grief, having your feelings hurt, nervousness about a big change, or feeling broken hearted after a breakup won't make the feelings go away. Refusing to sort through your feelings means that you will never think about them, but you will continue to experience them without resolving them. Face your feelings, all of them. It is worth it.
Being Overly Optimistic
Some people don't want to accept that bad things happen. They also won't acknowledge the signs that bad things are happening. They want to pretend that everything is perfect all the time. Balancing being optimistic with being realistic is very important and it is a very positive mindset. Instead of being overly optimistic, read here to learn about the power of affirmations:The Power Of Positive Affirmations
Overspending
Everybody loves to have nice things, and a lot of nice things cost money. Surrounding yourself with the things that you love can help your mental health and getting something nice and new to you can make you feel good. Some people who practice toxic positivity take this too far and pretend that they have more money than they do. Denying that there is a limit to how much you can spend is not a positive mindset. Conserving your money is just one thing to be careful about. Learn how to conserve the environment here:Environmentalism: How to Save the Earth
Guilt
Feeling guilty when you have a so-called “negative” emotion is a sure sign of toxic positivity. It is very important to accept and process all of your feelings, even the ones that are difficult. Don't feel guilty when you are sad, frightened, or suffering in any way. These are all normal reactions to when bad things happen to us and these feelings need to be honored.
Responses to Toxic Positivity
So, we know what toxic positivity is, we know why it happens, and we have some very good examples of it. How should you react when somebody dumps their toxic positivity on you? You might have your own technique for dealing with it, but there's a few things that you can say. First off you can flat out tell them nobody cares about their opinion or thank them for what they said and then keep talking. You can tell them to stop acting like they're better than everybody else or simply explain to them why they're wrong. If you're anti-confrontational, you can just ignore them.
Nobody Wants Your Opinion
Everybody has their own opinion about everything. Yes, even the people that don't share their opinions. Our opinions don't make us special, but a lot of people think their opinions do, and they go out of their way to share. Not everybody wants to hear every opinion that everybody has, especially if there is some toxicity contained in the opinion. When somebody dumps toxic positivity on you, you can just turn to them and say, “ I did not ask for your opinion.” If you want to really let them know how unwelcome their opinion is, you can even say something like, ”Nobody wants to listen to your toxic positivity.”
Yes, Thank You
Not everybody is so blunt that they will tell someone to keep their opinions to themselves. However, you can still let them know that you don't care about their opinion, and you don't want to hear it by saying something simple. You can say something like, “Yes, thank you, now, as I was saying…” and then continue the conversation as if they had not shared their unwanted toxic positivity. Some people will immediately understand that what they said was inappropriate, but if they don't, you can just keep thanking them and continue what you were talking about until they stop.
Stop Acting Superior
Another thing to say when somebody throws toxic positivity at you if you don't mind being blunt is along the lines of “You are not superior, so stop acting like you think you are.” Some people who display toxic positivity are on a mission to be self-appointed life skills gurus. They're overstepping their boundaries by offering unsolicited advice and it's ok to put them back in their place. When you share your feelings about difficult things that you're going through, you don't do it so that other people can brag about how much better they feel they could handle the situation. It's not their situation and their input is not needed.
You Are Wrong, Because…
When somebody starts imposing toxic positivity on you, one thing that you can do is flat out tell them they don't know what they're talking about. You can explain why word for word, and you can demonstrate to them how wrong they are not only for offering their opinion when it wasn't asked for but also how wrong their opinion itself is. People who are suffering from toxic positivity might not listen when you explain how wrong they are, but other people in the room will hear what you're saying, and they may understand. Being called out for not knowing what they're talking about might encourage them to keep their toxic positivity to themselves in the future.
Silence
Not everybody speaks up when someone says something inappropriate to them, and that's alright. You don't have to respond to toxic positivity at all if you don't want to. You don't even have to acknowledge that you heard what they said, and sometimes that's the best thing to do. Some people share their toxic positivity because they want attention, and if you don't give it to them, they might learn to keep those negative things to themselves.
Affirmations for Tough Times
Some people prefer to sink into despair for a short time before rising out of it to tackle problems, and that’s ok. Once you have had time to process the pain from whatever difficult time you’re going through and you start sorting through difficulties, true positive affirmations can help. There are a few especially effective affirmations that will guide you through tough times. Remind yourself that you have not been beaten yet, but have survived through every difficulty you have faced so far. Tell yourself that you can and WILL get through things. Then remind yourself that all you can do is your best- and affirm to yourself that you will do it.
I Have Survived So Far
A very important positive affirmation is, “ I have gotten through worse times than this before. I have survived, I am thriving, and I will continue to survive and thrive. “ Look in the mirror once a day and say this to yourself until you believe it. Say it every time you are enduring difficulties.
I Will Get Through This
A simple affirmation when you are going through difficult times is just saying to yourself, “ I am going to get through this.” Because you will. Remember you have survived every bad thing that has ever happened to you, and struggles have taught you how. So, you're going to survive whatever you're going through right now also.
I Am Going to Do My Best
One very important thing to say to yourself when you're going through faculties is “ I am going to do my best.” Each day your best is going to be different. Sometimes your best won't seem that great. Other times it will be so amazing you will surprise yourself. Just do your best. If you're doing your best, you will get the best results, no matter how hard times may be.
Toxic positivity is a tool some people use to make themselves feel safe from problems, but it doesn’t take problems away. It shields us from facing reality and therefore prevents us from solving problems. This makes everything worse. Don’t let fear stop you from taking control of things. Face the reality of your life head on, rejecting the desire to be toxically positive. Don’t let other people’s toxic positivity stop you either! Use tactful responses to other people and use positive affirmations when toxic positivity hits, and you will be in the driver’s seat of your own life, solving one problem at a time.
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