Learn what respect is, the difference between respect and disrespect, and how to show and get the respect you deserve.
Respect is something that some people believe we are all entitled to and other people say is earned over time. Most of us expect to be respected, but not everybody understands exactly what respect is. Join Mysticsense to learn all about respect. Find out what it is and what disrespect is. Find out how to get the respect you want by being respectful to other people and respecting yourself. Find out most importantly what to do if somebody disrespects you and why you shouldn’t worry about the people who make it a habit be disrespectful.
What is Respect?
“ Respect for ourselves guides our morals. Respect for others guides our manners.” – Laurence Sterne
Respect treating somebody well. If you respect someone, you are considerate of their feelings, desires, and needs. You will speak politely to them and you will be courteous to them. Some people say they treat everybody with respect no matter what because they believe that it is important to treat people well. Other people say that respect is earned over time, and they don't just respect everybody.
Your attitude demonstrates whether you respect someone and how much respect you have for them. Someone who has shown over a long period of time that they can be trusted will be respected by you for that. If they give you good advice you will respect it and follow that advice. If somebody demonstrates to you over time that they can't be trusted, you might still be courteous of them, but you won't follow their advice or instructions. The longer you know someone, the more you know about them, and the more respect and regard you will develop for them over time.
Words and actions show respect. Saying words like “please” and “thank you” and using a civil and polite tone of voice demonstrates respect. Compliments are considered polite and respectful whereas insults are considered disrespectful. Holding the door for a stranger, letting people in front of you in traffic, holding the elevator for someone, and putting your trash in its place instead of throwing it in the ground are all considered respectful things. Respect creates good feelings and to foster a sense of connectedness with other people. We want to be around the people who are respectful to us and don't want to be around people who are disrespectful and unpleasant. The more respectful you are, the more persuasive you will be. Read about the fine art of being persuasive here: Mastering the Power of Persuasion
Why Does Disrespect Happen?
“Disrespect is the weapon of the weak.” – Alice Miller
Disrespect is the opposite of respect, and it happens for one reason, because someone chose to be disrespectful. Someone might dislike you or be upset with you and they deliberately show disrespect because it makes them feel good. Some people are disrespectful to people who they think deserve it. Other people don't need a reason, they're just disrespectful people in general.
People Are Upset
If somebody thinks poorly of you even if you don't feel like you deserve that, they might behave disrespectfully. If someone disapproves of your lifestyle, beliefs, or behavior, they might take a rude tone of voice with you. If a coworker thinks that you do a bad job they might ignore you in the hallway when you say hello. If someone thinks that they are better than you, they may show that by being disrespectful and using a condescending tone of voice when they address you. If you've done something that's upset them, they may say that they lost all respect for you.
People Think it’s Deserved
Some people believe in treating everybody with the same dignity and respect no matter what. Some people treat everybody differently based on whether they respect them or not. If somebody thinks that you deserve disrespect, they might behave disrespectfully. They might glare at you, ignore you, take a nasty tone of voice with you, or deliberately mess things up that you need them to handle properly. For some people, disrespect is a punishment and respect as a reward. One thing you should reward is yourself with some well earned relaxation. Find out how here; Rest and Recharge Your Body, Mind, and Spirit
People Are Just That Way
Sometimes, there's no specific reason for disrespectful behavior. Some people are just that way. They're rude and disrespectful on a regular basis and they're just not very polite to anybody. These people have learned that they can get by with it, and for some reason they enjoy it. Being disrespectful might make them feel powerful, or they might think it's funny, but some people are just naturally disrespectful.
How is Disrespect Shown?
“ People who are labeled as disrespectful do not get the same opportunities afforded to those who are labeled as respectful.”- Andy Andrews
Disrespect is shown in multiple different ways. Some people ignore you or insult you to your face when they disrespect you. Other people talk against you, or invalidate your feelings.
You Are Ignored
Your feelings might be completely ignored by people when they want to be disrespectful. They won't take into account the fact that you have every right to be someplace and they will deliberately neglect to send you an invitation. They might not acknowledge you by saying hello or they might talk to you but not honor requests. Ignoring your feelings or you in general shows disrespect.
You Are Insulted
Disrespectful people will call you names, criticize your appearance, or even nitpick your performance on the job. Insults are done to try and humiliate, or just make you feel bad about yourself. People who are insulting often defend their behavior by saying they're just trying to be truthful. Constructive criticism and insults are two entirely different things. Toxic positivity is very insulting and you can read how to respond to it here: How to Respond to Toxic Positivity
You Are Spoken Against
Sometimes disrespect is shown by speaking against people. Gossip, accusations, heavy criticisms, and bashing people behind their backs are all disrespectful behaviors. This is entirely different from someone expressing being upset with you. You can express being upset with something that somebody said or did without attacking them as a person.
Your Feelings Are Invalidated
“I’m sorry you feel that way”, or “Stop being such a big baby” are two statements disrespectful people will make to invalidate your feelings. Invalidating someone's feelings means to tell them that their feelings don't matter. It is highly disrespectful and it is often done by someone who wants to be let off the hook for something that they said or did wrong. Even if someone invalidates your feelings, you can still move on from a horrible situation. Find out how to do that here: Moving on Without Closure
How to Be Respectful
“ Be respectful. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Respect the lowest rank and the highest rank and you’ll never get in trouble.” – Alex Rodriguez
Being respectful isn't difficult at all. There are just a few things that you have to do. Be fair to people, be kind to them, and be considerate. Yes, that’s all!
Be Fair
Fairness means Impartial treatment without discrimination. That means you're going to treat people equally fair and you're going to be reasonable. It's called being objective, impartial, and even handed. If you act with fairness, you ensure justice, and this shows respect for all the people who you come into contact with.
Be Kind
Kindness means being caring, helpful, and gentle. It means that you want to try to make sure everybody has a good experience, and that nobody is hurt. It means that you do nice things for people, and you want to make sure that people feel loved and supported. If you're kind you will try to help people, be generous, and this is all done without expecting any kind of reward in return. It is considered kind to be open minded and you can read about that here: The Importance of Having an Open Mind
Be Considerate
When you are considerate, you are thoughtful of the feelings and rights of other people. You will be concerned about how what you say and do affects other people, and you will try very hard to accommodate people's feelings, needs, and wants. When you are considerate of other people, it shows great respect for them and they will respect you for being considerate of them.
Cultivating Self-Respect
Some people say that being respectful of yourself is crucial if you want to be respectful of other people. To develop self-respect, never compromise your standards and never beg anybody for attention, love, or friendship. Another way to cultivate self-respect is to be completely true to who you are and what your beliefs are.
“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”- Confucius
Don’t Compromise
We all have our beliefs and standards, and those should never be compromised. People will ask you to go against what you believe is true, and if you have self-respect you won't do that. You will know that within yourself you have the power to decide what is best, and you won’t let anybody interfere with that. You won't do what you feel is the wrong thing to impress people or appease them, and people will know that about you.
Don’t Beg
If you have self-respect you won't beg people to be your friends. You won't beg them to date you. You won't beg them to like you. You won't beg them to agree with you. You will have confidence in yourself that you are worthy of love, friendship, and when people disagree with you it won't shake your beliefs.
Be True to Yourself
If you have self-respect you will not let anybody talk you into changing who you are to suit them. You will not change your mannerisms, your personality, or the things that you do to satisfy someone who wants you to accommodate them. Being flexible and being nice to people is one thing. However, when people try to get you to go against who you are, if you have self-respect you won't do it.
How to Be Respected
“ You must be respectable if you will be respected.”- Lord Chesterfield
Now that we have defined respect, and demonstrated how disrespect is shown, the next question is how can you be respected? If you treat people well, tell the truth, and don't lower yourself to the level of disrespectful people, the right people will automatically respect you.
Treat People Well
To be respected, treat people with dignity, compassion, and courtesy. They will appreciate you, and recognize you as someone who has good intentions. When you treat people well, you create a lot of positive energy, and that creates positive experiences for people. People will want to treat you well when you treat them well. This is the first way to be respected.
Speak The Truth
People will respect you for telling the truth. There are some dishonest people who don't want the truth revealed, and they will be angry with you if you're honest. The right people will recognize that they can trust you if you tell the truth. You also show respect to people by telling them what is true. If you are dishonest, it is often for selfish reasons, and people don't have any respect for that.
Don’t Lower Yourself
Don't dissolve into chaos when people provoke you. It's easy to let other people control your emotions when they try to pick a fight, but if you have the personal strength to step away from the drama, people will respect you for that. The people who want you to fight will respect the fact that you won't, and the people who don't want to watch a fight will appreciate the fact that you wouldn’t participate.
What If I’m Disrespected?
‘You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.”- wishyourfrnds.com
If someone disrespects you, it can be upsetting and embarrassing, especially if they do it in front of other people. Unfortunately, there will usually not be anything you can do about it. Some people are just disrespectful individuals, and they treat everybody with disrespect. You can’t always change how people treat you, but you can decide how to react to it. You have the option to ignore their disrespect, and you can make sure they know they are ignored. Refusing to give somebody the attention they want but don’t deserve sends a powerful message. It shows that their behavior does not affect your life at all and is not worthy of a response.
You can also talk to them about their behavior. When you are in a close relationship with someone, and their disrespect hurts you, explaining this might enlighten them that their deeds or words are unacceptable. They might be truly sorry and never do it again. Then again, they might not be sorry and try to justify their disrespect. Behaving disrespectfully is a choice somebody makes, no matter how they feel about you. If someone can’t give other people simple dignity, that says a lot about them. Telling them why their disrespect is uncalled for might not inspire them to be more respectful, but if it makes you feel better, have your say. They won’t forget it and they might think twice before being disrespectful again.
In some ways, respect really is earned, but in other ways respect is considered a basic human right. If you treat people with respect and conduct yourself in ways that show a healthy self-respect, most people will automatically respect you. There are some people who don’t like to be respectful, and they might disrespect you. We can’t control what other people do, but you can respond to disrespect by ignoring it or telling the disrespectful person how unacceptable their disrespect is. Don’t worry though, because if you’re respectful, you will be respected by the right people.
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