Knowing how to navigate our relationship with our ex can be really challenging. Dating your ex again or wanting your ex back is often out of the question, but sometimes we may spot room for a platonic friendship. In these moments asking the perfect ex questions may just be your best friend. However, it’s important to know what to do when your ex wants you back but you aren’t feeling the same way. Dating an ex again can be problematic if not approached with caution so make sure to follow the advice in this article today.
Different Types of Ex
Many of us have exes in our lives, whether we like this or not. Knowing if staying in touch with an ex, or even remaining friendswith a past lover can be a difficult decision to make. In order to make the process simpler, it’s best to think about the type of ex you have. While all of our ex relationships are unique and varied, you’re likely to find that most ex partners fall into one of five categories listed down below.
The Ex-with-Benefits
The first type of ex is the ex-with-benefits. This is a person that you once shared life with, but found that your fundamental incompatibilities were too stark to overlook. That said, the intimacy between the two you was probably incredibly strong and the sexual element to your relationship is far harder to shake off. This probably isn’t the healthiest approach to reconnecting with an ex and may lead to jealousy down the line, but if the two of you can communicate where you both stand, c’est la vie.
The Good Ex
The ‘good ex’ is the best type of ex there is. Things likely ended very amicably between the two of you, with no foul play committed on either part. While the two of you may not be friends, there certainly is no bad blood either. Break ups of this nature are envied by others as it can seem almost comically perfect. Where are the screaming matches? The intense jealousy? The obsessive Instagram stalking? Breaking up the ‘good’ way is rare, but it does happen.
The Bad Ex
Now onto the worst kind of ex, the kind of ex that makes you wonder ‘does karma really exist?’. The ‘bad ex’ is simply that - an ex that will go out of their way to make your life a living hell. These are the type of people who can’t handle rejection and fail to think about what might be best for you. They’ll send angry messages, spread hateful narratives to your friends and generally make the process of splitting up even more exhausting than it already is. The sad reality of this ex is that they probably still have feelings for you, as love and hate are not worlds apart.
The One that Got Away
Possibly the most painful, heart wrenching break up involves ‘the one that got away’. This is a person you know you share a deep, almost spiritual connection with, yet circumstances mean that now is not the time for the two of you. You’ll probably wonder if or when this person will come back into your life, but it only causes more pain to think this way. Many of us struggle with the thought that we have soul connections with ex partners, but if you feel you have ended it with the one that got away, the best thing you can do is step back and let the universe work its magic. Who knows what the future holds for you two?
The Friend
Being friends with your ex is a great place to be, although it definitely takes some time and effort. The two of you are evidently mature about your decision to call time on your relationship and understand that it’s for the best of you both. Perhaps you are both part of the same social circles, or maybe even work together, so you know that there’s no point trying to cut each other from each of your lives. This is a great place to be, and, if handled properly, can lead to an even deeper friendship in the long run.
Questions to Ask Your Ex
Your ex boyfriend wants to meet up and talk? Well, if you’ve decided that there is the potential to be platonic with your ex, it’s important to be clear and transparent about your expectations when moving into a friendship. It can be hard to know what questions to ask an ex, but listed down below are some good questions that should be asked in order to make sure the two of you are definitely on the same page.
Why Did Things End?
Firstly, hashing out the real reasons why the two of you broke up is important. In the heat of the moment, emotions can obscure the plain facts about why a relationship ended, so making sure to return to basics and talk through the situation in a measured way is key. It’s also important to see how your ex approaches this conversation too; are they shifting blame and pointing the finger? Or are they willing to take accountability for their wrongdoings and accept the mistakes they made? The same goes for you too, as break ups are very rarely entirely a one-sided affair. If the two of you are able to have this uncomfortable conversation and clear the air, you are setting yourselves up to start afresh with the potential for a meaningful relationship down the line.
Can We Forgive Each Other?
Aside from figuring out exactly what caused the break up, deciding if the two of you can wholeheartedly forgive one another is also crucial. While cheating, betrayal and mistreatment may be specific to your previous relationship in a romantic sense, to lose trust in someone overrides these contextual boundaries. It’s impossible to have a healthy friendship with someone you harbor resentment towards. You both need to talk about where you did each other wrong and how you can move towards mutual forgiveness. If, after this conversation, you realize that true forgiveness is unachievable, then perhaps it's time to cut ties and let each other go.
What Is Our Friendship Going To Look Like?
So, provided that you both have come to the conclusion that you can forgive each other, it’s crucial to discuss what your friendship is going to look like. Are both of you going to reside in the same social circles? What has been said to other friends that may impact their perception of you both? Are we comfortable enough to spend alone time together away from the group? Getting all of these questions out in the open will ensure that you are setting yourselves up for platonic success.
What Happens When We Meet Other People?
One of the biggest challenges that two exes will face is when you both meet other people. In an ideal world, exes and their new partners will get along perfectly, but the reality is far more awkward and difficult than that. As such, it’s important for the two of you to discuss what to do when new people enter the scene. Are you going to withdraw a little, or dive in headfirst and attempt to get everyone friendly. There is no exact formula or rule book to help answer these questions, but talking through the situation with your ex is the first thing that needs to be done. That way, everyone’s expectations are laid out on the table and there is less chance for upset and drama.
3 Signs Your Ex Secretly Wants You Back
One of the most essential things that needs to be acknowledged before becoming friends with an ex is how they feel towards you. An ex who still has feelings for you is unlikely to let you know this if the possibility of a ‘friendship’ is brought up. They may see this rekindling as an opportunity to get closer to you once more, but with very different intentions. As such, it’s important to have a frank and open discussion about where both of your feelings lie. You have to hope that they are truthful about this, but to be extra cautious, look out for the three tell-tale signs that an ex secretly wants you back, listed down below.
They Try To Make You Jealous
A classic sign that an ex isn’t over you is if they try to make you jealous. This can be done in many different ways, but typically involves flaunting a new relationship or talking excessively about how great their dating life is at the moment. Discerning whether or not an ex simply feels comfortable enough around you to discuss their current love life is tricky, but spotting attempts to provoke jealousy is usually pretty obvious. Look out for constant instagram posts and exclamations of what a perfect life your ex is (supposedly) living post-break up. The more they try to drive it home, the more likely it is that they are trying to make you jealous. Learning not to react is the best thing you can do, as it shows an ex you are both on different pages and that you aren’t willing to play these games.
They Are Uncomfortable Around Your New Partners
Noticing how your ex behaves around your new partners is also an interesting way to determine how they feel about you. If you can see that they look jittery and uncomfortable, this may merely be a sign that the break up is fresh and this new context may take some time to feel normal. However, if an ex appears hostile, on-edge or speaks belittling of your new love, it’s pretty obvious that they are battling the feelings they have for you deep down. With that said, it’s crazy how many exes can find new partners themselves yet still struggle with the image of you with someone else. These people are textbook narcissists who crave control, and you should be thankful that they have firmly adopted the position of ex-partner.
They Make Any Excuse to Spend Time With You
While it may be hard for exes to readjust to their new lives without you, part of this is understanding that they won’t be spending nearly as much time with you as they once did. The good exes appreciate this and learn to adjust to this new normal, but the exes that still secretly have feelings for you are likely to struggle keeping this boundary. They may make up the wildest excuses to meet up with you, or even go full Great Gatsby mode and arrange social gatherings with the intention of you attending. If your ex is particularly deranged, they may even ‘accidentally’ show up in environments they know you frequent. In these scenarios, you need to be firm and call them out on their behavior. Friendship certainly is not on the cards when this is the case.
What to do When You Want Your Ex Back?
So, you know of the signs that an ex is still into you, but what about when you can’t seem to shake the feelings for your ex? If you can acknowledge that this is how you feel, it’s important to limit your contact with them. Honestly, friendships with exes are a rarity, so don’t take it as a loss if you aren’t able to get to this stage with them. More often than not it’s best for you two to go separate ways instead of being hung up on a past situation that has run its course. To make things easier, remove your ex from your socials and try to limit the ways in which you see them in person. These steps aren’t easy, but you may be surprised at how quickly you are able to move on by doing so.
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