After a breakup, you and the one you love may realize you made a mistake and are meant to be together. Learn all about getting back together after a breakup, how to apologize, forgive, and try to stay together.
There are times when things go bad in a relationship, and you think there are no chances of moving past them because you believe the trust is broken. One bad fight can result in words or actions you think you may never forget, and you worry that you can never be comfortable with your partner again. We have all been through dark times like that in relationships, and some relationships are completely destroyed because of them. Sometimes, though, there is hope, you can make things better, and you can move on, with an even stronger commitment to each other than before. What kinds of things will you have to do as a couple to work things out? How can you learn to trust after dark times, and move forward into the future together? Join us as we explore how to reunite after a breakup and hopefully stay together.
Standing Together
“Love is no matter what life brings you you’ll stand side by side holding hands.”- imjust-a-girl.tumblr
If there is one thing you can say about successful couples, it is that they stick together. You can’t do that with just anybody, though. There are plenty of different things that go into making a couple want to stick together, but two of the most important things are truly loving each other and being on the same team. You can have the perfect home and friend group together, a fantastic routing together, and a great family, but if you aren’t a team and you are not in love, you are not truly together.
Is It True Love?
How do you know if you really love one another? When you know you are with somebody who is special and you can’t stop thinking of them, those are signs of true love. Feeling emotionally unstable without them and being emotionally dependent on them are other signs of love. If you put each other first and focus on the qualities you love about one another and not imperfections, that’s love. Planning a life with your partner is a sign of love and so is caring about their feelings. Being excited about seeing them after being apart, even if it is just being apart to go to work is another sign of being in love.
If you dread being in their presence and make any excuse you can to get away from them, you might like the idea of having a significant other, but you are not happy with your partner. If you compete over petty things like who is going to be in control of what is on TV or who gets the last slice of pizza, you are not thinking of one another. You are thinking of yourselves. If you can’t stop thinking of the ways you feel your partner falls short of perfection and you wish you were with somebody you think would be better, that is a sign you are not in love. Signs of love are things that bring you closer, not push you apart.
Are You a Team?
A very important question to ask yourself is if you and your partner are on the same side. Do you fight over small, insignificant things, and hate sharing with each other, or are you on the same page with one another about things? Are you moving forward in life together, or are your future hopes pulling you apart? Here is something to consider- if somebody behaves disrespectfully toward your partner or speaks against them behind their back, do you join in to ridicule them or do you defend them in their absence? When you are a team, you work together to build a life as a couple, and you don’t compete to see who is in command. If you can’t be on the same team, chances are you are not in love with one another.
Saying You’re Sorry
“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is saying ‘I love you’ with a wounded heart in one hand and your smothered pride in another.”- Richelle E. Goodrich
Is the quote “Love means never having to say you are sorry” true? While it is true that nobody ever has to apologize or admit they are wrong, being able to can be what helps you get back together after a breakup. It can also be what keeps you together long term. Nobody is perfect, but if you and your partner are perfect for one another, imperfections can be forgiven. Sometimes you are the one who should say you are sorry, and sometimes it is your partner. Can you swallow your pride and admit to your partner you made a mistake, and can you deal with the fact they make mistakes?
Was It Me?
Are you the one who should say you are sorry? Even if your partner is the one who instigated the breakup because of something they did, if you broke things off with them and you regret it, being able to say you are sorry for leaving instead of working things out is very important. We are all wrong sometimes, and that is understandable. What doesn’t make sense is acting like you are perfect and that your partner messes up regularly. If your relationship becomes a competition where you struggle to prove you are right all the time, getting back together might not work out unless you want a partner who is a human doormat. Admit when you are wrong, apologize, and then do better and your relationship will be stronger.
It Was Them!
When you are trying to get back together, assigning blame can be the worst thing you can do. Sometimes, however, your partner really did something awful and there is no chance of getting back together until they demonstrate they are sorry, and that they will never do it again. Express how you felt, and then listen. We all make mistakes, and it is possible that your loved one is truly sorry and has learned their lesson. If you really want to reunite with your ex and work things out, give them the chance to apologize, and then give them the chance to prove they are serious about working things out. The people who you love are worth it.
Forgiving
“ Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give.”- Maya Angelou
We all want to be forgiven, but being the one who forgives in the relationship can be very difficult. There are some things to keep in mind when you are considering forgiving an ex and getting back together, and it’s not very difficult to decide whether you feel it is worth reconciling and working things out. First, are they behaving as if they are truly sorry? Next, are you ready to put what happened in the past? Even if you feel they are sorry and you could move past what happened, do you want to forgive them?
Do They Seem Sorry?
There are some simple ways to tell if somebody is truly sorry for what happened. They say they are sorry, that it was all their fault, and they don’t try to justify what they did. Next, they say they will never do it again and they even accept whatever consequences are a result of their mistake. They won’t downplay your feelings or accuse you of being overly sensitive for being hurt by what they did. They will understand that what they did was unacceptable, and they will be sorry they hurt you. If your loved one says all these things and means it, the next question has to do with how you feel about moving on.
Are You Ready to Move Past It?
Let’s say your ex is genuinely sorry and you truly believe they will never ever do what they did again. If you can’t emotionally move past what happened, you don’t have to. Some people would try to shame you into forgetting all about what happened, but sometimes, you can’t. It is not anybody else’s decision but yours. Search your heart and think about what is best for you emotionally. You don’t have to move forward with reconciling unless you are ready to, and truthfully, you don’t ever have to reconcile with anybody at all.
Do You Want to Forgive Them?
More than getting back together, forgiving an ex is a very personal thing. Some people forgive but don’t reconcile, and then there are some people who don’t feel ready to forgive. Sometimes, forgiveness is defined as something you owe to anybody who says they want forgiveness, but you don’t owe anybody forgiveness under any circumstances. Even if you do forgive somebody, that does not mean you have to reunite with them and commit to a relationship with them again. If you can’t forgive, chances are you won’t be able to work things out long term, though. Know that plenty of people have forgiven each other and moved past dark times in their relationships, and you can if you and your partner decide it is right for you.
Rebuilding Trust
“When trust is lost it can’t be regained overnight. Step by step, piece by piece you can get there.” – Twenty-Four Seven Commitment
So, you got back together. You mutually apologized, accepting what you both did wrong, and you have both pledged to move forward into a committed life together, and you pledged that your love will be stronger than ever. How can you guarantee that after a breakup, though and how can you start to trust again? Some people find it easier to trust than others but some people need time for trust to build before they feel completely confident that the relationship is stable. There are a couple of things you can do to rebuild trust, and they are both going to require faith, patience, and a commitment to really try.
Baby Steps
Trust takes a long time to build, and if you and your partner had it before, but the trust was lost sometime before you broke up, don’t be surprised if one or both of you are worried at first when you reunite as a couple. Try not to think of it as being suspicious of one another, but that you both wish things don’t go bad again, so you are afraid of bad things happening again. Actions are what we build trust on, and every small thing you do will prove to your partner they can trust you again. Some signs of trust are subtle, like your partner remembers you like to watch your favorite show on a certain night, so they don’t interfere with the time you set aside to do that. Other things are more obvious, like if an ex tries to date them again, and they tell the ex no and that they are committed to you.
Trust is something that is built every day and in good times as well as bad times. Everything your partner does to show you they love you, are devoted to you, and that they don’t want anything to come between you will reinforce your trust in them. Have some faith in your partner and your relationship if you have decided to try again and give them the opportunity to show you how much they love you. You have nothing to lose, and a happy, long relationship to enjoy if you work things out. Love is worth taking a chance on.
Give It Time
There are no instant ways to rebuild trust. It takes time. If you and your partner are truly committed to a long-term relationship with one another, you are planning to be together for life. So, there is no need to expect that full trust will come immediately, and you have plenty of time. Relax, be patient with one another, and give your trust in each another time to be built. Being patient with one another as partners will strengthen your relationship and it is one of the ways you demonstrate you have faith in one another. Give yourself and your partner time for both of your trust to build.
Accepting One Another
“ The greatest gift that you can give to each other is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.”- Brian Tracey
A problem in some relationships is that we try too hard to change each other. If you are working on eating healthier or saving money better, those are positive changes you can make together as a couple. Not everybody tries for positive change, though, and they seek to control their partner. Controlling the way your partner dresses when they have always dressed that way since you met, or making fun of them for gaining weight because you are more sexually attracted to thinner people are examples of trying to make your partner change who they are to suit you, and things like this are not fair to anybody.
It is fair to say that as time goes on, we all change, and sometimes, your partner changes in a way you don’t like one bit. Are these things you can live with, or have you caught yourself trying to force your partner to be somebody they are not? You don’t have to stick around for things you find unbearable under any circumstances, but trying too hard to get your partner to change when they don’t want to will just put a strain on your relationship and it will frustrate both of you. To be fair, maybe you are not wrong, and a change would do your partner good, but if you can’t love them for who they are, you might not be able to stay together.
What Are Our Chances?
Getting your ex back might not be the most difficult thing you have ever done, but what are the chances that things are going to work out after a breakup? A study in an article called What Happens When Couples Get Back Together After a Breakup (insider.com) showed that about 70% of people who broke up did not get back together with their ex at all. Of the remaining people, half of them broke up with their partner again, but 15% of people in the study who reunited with their ex after the breakup worked things out long term. You and the person who you love could very well be one of the lucky couples who get back together and work things out for good. A 15% chance of success is better than no chance at all, and it is worth it to take a chance to see if you can make things work out.
What makes people want to get back together after going to the trouble of breaking up , though? An article from Psychology Today called What Makes Couples More Likely to Get Back Together? | Psychology Today lists one of the main things that makes people get back together is the fact they are still in love with each other. Okay maybe you could have guessed that, but what else is a reason people get back together? Loneliness is another reason some people get back with an ex, and this can mean they don’t like being single. Some people do get back with an ex due to lifestyle, though. They may have had a wonderful home or financial partnership, and they decide to team up and share a good life again.
It doesn’t really matter what the chances of success are, though. When you are in love, it is every bit worth it to give your relationship another fair chance. Not every relationship is built to last, and sometimes, that is nobody’s fault. Then there are people who are meant to be in our lives for the long haul, and toughing out bad times is worth it. When you are deeply in love, and you have a strong connection, sometimes, nothing can come between you because you won’t let it. Coming back together after being apart can feel like the greatest reunion in your life. Sometimes, all you have is the people who you love, and that is all that matters. Enjoy your life and love together when you reunite and may nothing ever come between you again.
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