“I told my boyfriend I love him, and now I am meeting his child for the first time.” Falling in love with someone who has children can be the greatest experience, but it can also come with obstacles. If you don’t hit it off with their kids, or if their kids become jealous, it can make you question whether the relationship is doomed. Is it wrong to love someone who has kids, what sort of barriers to love could you work through as a couple, and how can you do that? In this article we will explore
- Just a Woman in Love!
- How Can I Love Them All?
- I Want a Woman to Love
- He Won’t Commit to a Relationship with Me!
- Can a Man Forget a Woman He Loves?
- A Family in Love
- Things to Do Together
- Love Comes in Many Forms
So, you have met the perfect man. You love him and he loves you! If you love a woman or a man, you can’t imagine anything better or that anything could come between you…or could it?If a man had kids and the children seem to go out of their way to come between us, does it matter of we love him? Can he know how to really love a woman but still take care of the family he had before he met her? How should a man treat a woman he loves and balance that with being a father?
Luckily how to love a woman whether you have kids or not is the same- completely, and while some issues might arise early on, plenty of people know how to work through them, and initially reorganizing your life as a single parent to one as a parent who has a significant other doesn’t have to destroy your family. Read on to learn more!
Just a Woman in Love!
Love, beautiful love! What can make you happier? Being a man or woman in love can make you feel on top of the world and that the man or woman you are involved with is the only one who matters. However, when he has a family that he takes care of, you are not going to be the top priority at all times, and you will have to decide if you are okay with that. In today’s world, people get to choose whether or not they want to be parents, and if you don’t, you might decide that dating somebody who has kids isn’t going to be the best thing for you.
If you decide that you truly do not want to be one of the many people your boyfriend or girlfriend spends the most time with, it is okay to tell them that and move on. If, however, you can handle not being the only person in your significant other’s lives, you are in luck. A man or woman who has kids and includes you in their life and the life of their kids may be looking to have you around long term. You are not just somebody in love then, you are becoming family.
How Can I Love Them All?
If you are the one who has the kids, how can you juggle the fact that you love your kids, but you also love one woman- who is NOT their mom? Is it love over family, or can you make them all happy? Attracting love when you are a single parent might not seem as easy as when you’re single with no kids. After all, some people say they don’t want to “raise other people’s kids”, but it may surprise you just how many people would be happy to. About forty percent of American adults have a step relative in their family- that is almost half of all American adults. It is estimated that over twenty-nine million Americans are stepparents and that “nontraditional” families like stepfamilies, single parent households, and households where a parent lives unmarried with a significant other outnumber “traditional” families where a married couple have only been married to each other and have only the children they have given birth to together.
Like a majority of families, yes, you can make this work, you can give plenty of love to your kids and your new significant other, and you can even co-parent peacefully with your ex. About half of all American kids will witness their parents divorce, and about thirteen percent of them live in a home with a stepparent. Plenty of these kids have great relationships with their stepparents and are fortunate enough to have these people who came into the family to love and share life with. If so many other people can make this work out, then you can do it too!
I Want a Woman to Love
“I want a woman to love me, but my kids hate her!” your boyfriend says. “I love my dad, and I hate YOU!” his daughter says, but does she truly hate you, or is it because she’s jealous because he loves everything about you? What can you do when fights, resentment, and outright refusal to accept you arises from your girlfriend or boyfriend’s children?
First, examine what happened in their lives before you appeared. If the kid’s mom is still in the picture, they may fear they are betraying her if they like you and accept you. If their mom has passed away, it may feel like an even worse betrayal for them, like they fear she would feel they are trying to replace her when they actually just wish she was still alive. The newer your relationship is, the more suspicious the kids might be of you. Your significant other may know and trust you, but the kids don’t yet, and they need some time.
While it’s not fair if the kids act mean or nasty, try to put yourself in their shoes. They don’t know you, and while it is true that you never did anything to hurt them, they are probably just afraid. Most especially if their other parent literally abandoned them, they may be absolutely terrified of allowing themselves to love you and then you abandoning them too. Give the kids time to learn to like you and to trust you, and you may be laughing about how they used to fight loving you early on. They are worth it.
He Won’t Commit to a Relationship with Me!
Like the children need time, so does the single parent who you are dating. Your new boyfriend or girlfriend has to think about more than their own feelings, and they have to think about what is best for their children. It sometimes takes longer to get to know one another if you are dating a busy parent and they cannot spend as much time with you as they could if they were not parents, but if he or she is the one for you, it is more than worth it to give them time. Your new boyfriend or girlfriend has shown they can commit long term because being a parent is considered the most dedicated commitment anybody could make.
Keeping that in mind, also remember that if he or she commits to you, you are not only committing to them, but you are committing to their kids as well. Imagine how happy those sweet children will be to have a new stepmom or stepdad to share life with. This won’t happen immediately of course, but if it is meant to, it will happen. If you marry a man or woman who has kids, you are basically “marrying” the kids too. It is unfair to say whether you will be luckier to have your new sweetheart and their kids or if they are luckier to have you. Give it time and allow things to happen on their own timeframe. You will be glad you did.
Can a Man Forget a Woman He Loves?
Never. Just because he can’t spend all his spare time with you, and you share him with his kids doesn’t mean he has forgotten you. The kids need him, and he needs you to understand that. It can make you feel neglected when you see friends dating men who lavish what seems like unlimited amounts of time on them, and you are alone plenty of evenings and weekends because he is off with his kids. Think of it this way: look at his dedication to his children, who depend on him for everything. See how devoted he is and what good care he takes of them?
That is the good care he will take of somebody he commits to, and that someone could well be you in the not-too-distant future. One of the signs he truly loves you even when he is off without you is he makes plans to get together with you when you both have time. Another sign is he calls and texts, even sending pictures of where they are. Another sign is he invites you along to join him and his children when they go places. Could it be that you are just some individual who he dates, but one who he won’t settle down with? That’s possible, but it is also possible that soon, you will be part of the family too.
Speaking of that, another individual who is an important part of his family is his mother, and some people find it difficult to share their man with his mother. However, like his kids, his mom was his mom before he fell in love with you, and if you are lucky, she will love you too! Your husband or boyfriend’s mother may refer to you as their other kid, and his relationship with her may be close, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he is a “mama’s boy.” Would you like to know more about mama’s boys? Read here- How to Deal with a Mama’s Boy | Mysticsense
A Family in Love
There comes a time in many single parents lives when they make the decision to get remarried, and when that happens, it means they have a partner to live their life with. It also means you will be a stepparent. Their kids will now be your kids. The kids may not call you “Mom” or “Dad” most especially if their other parent is still around, but you will become a very important part of that lucky child’s life. You will become one of the most important people to them, and you may find yourself wondering how you ever lived without this child. Before you become a family, however, changes will be made, and you will find your place in this new family you are helping to form. You will learn to do things with your significant other and their kids and you will be looking forward to the amazing memories you will create.
Things to Do Together
There are tons of things you can do with your new boyfriend or girlfriend and their kids that are different from simply one on one dating. Couple’s picnic ideas may dictate a romantic meal in the park with roses and kissing but doing that together when the kids are along isn’t going to get it. Instead of focusing on one on one time every opportunity you are together, here are some simple ideas for spending time with them and their kids and starting to bond with all of them.
Blended Activities
Most especially for kids whose other parent is still in the picture, ask your new boyfriend or girlfriend to bring their ex along so the kids don’t see you as somebody trying to replace their other parent. It will also instill the trust in their other parent that you care about their kids’ feelings, and when they see both of their parents getting along with you, it will relax any anxieties the children might have.
Camping and Parks
Weather permitting, local parks, and camping spots provide beautiful settings for fun times and the opportunity to enjoy nature together. The kids will be excited to pack up their gear or sports supplies and head out into nature with you and their parent for beautiful days, and maybe long weekends spent under the stars.
Let the Kids Choose
Just what is it that the kids like to do? Ask them, and then take them there to go do those things with them. A lot of kids will choose theme parks or festivals, but some love the arts, and others would appreciate you supporting their sports games, band trips, and the plays or choir performances they participate in. When you allow them to take you along for what is important to them, they see you as a part of their lives, enjoying the things that matter to them.
Love Comes in Many Forms
If you are one of the fortunate people who is invited to be a stepparent, your life is going to change forever. Years from now, when your stepchildren are grown, and they have children of their own, you will be a grandparent, and your whole life will have joined with not only your spouses but with those of your stepchildren. New families are not built overnight, but slowly, and over time. A firm foundation of love, trust, and the good times you will all share together will blend to create this new family you form. Enjoy all the days you have together. Sooner than you know it, you will be missing the days when the kids were younger, and you will be asking “Where did the years go?”
Would you like to talk about facts about love and relationships with a love expert? Whether it’s about meeting your boyfriend’s kids, finding new love, or finding out if you really love a woman, our psychic love advisors are available 24/7 to help you with any questions you may have. Love comes in all forms, and our advisors can make sure you get all the answers in matters of the heart you may have. Call today!
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