It can be hard knowing how to tell your boyfriend he hurt you or expressing issues you have with a current relationship. Sometimes we may want to end things with a partner but don’t know how we will be able to handle the grief. Often the love we feel for our partners can run so deep that we can’t imagine life without them, but then the worst happens and we find ourselves single again. Navigating the trials and tribulations of break ups can be really daunting, so make sure to follow the advice in this article today.
Conflicting Feelings During a Breaking Up
Break ups will forever be one of the most painful and depressing things we go through in life, and it’s one of those issues that almost all of us can relate to in some way, shape or form. While we are all familiar with the feelings of grief and sadness that comes with a break up, the feeling of complete confusion can cause us even more stress than we had ever imagined. We may constantly question whether or not we made the right decision, if we should cut all contact or if there is the potential for a rekindling down the line. Each break up is entirely unique and raises its own questions, but the worry that we’ve made the wrong choice plagues many of us. However, we must remember that we cannot experience growth without grief. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of what’s comfortable and familiar to us. For instance, we might stay in a job or with a partner because it’s the safest option to do so. Yet by doing this, we fail to achieve our full potential and strive for the best. So, knowing this, we can take some comfort from the pain of a breakup by envisaging the limitless possibilities that lay ahead of us. Break ups are awful, but they pave the way for momentous changes that can better our lives in the long run.
How to Say No to a Relationship
Knowing how to say no to someone you love is incredibly hard because every time we imagine that this love could last forever. ‘This time will be different’ or ‘this one is extra special’ you might think. But these thoughts don’t guarantee that a relationship is destined for greatness. While love is so intoxicating and primal, there are times in which we need to kick ourselves into logic mode and think about the relationship realistically. Are there fundamental differences that will create bigger issues down the line? Are there inherent character clashes between the two of you that even your best days together cannot mask? Once you appreciate that there is so much more to a relationship than love itself, it becomes just that little bit easier to start detaching from a relationship.
How Do I Know I Made the Right Decision?
How do I know if he is the one? Or else, how to tell he's not the one? Differentiating between normal questioning and irreversible doubts in a relationship can be quite hard. We all know that no relationship is completely smooth sailing, but at what point are the issues we’ve identified too stark to try and deal with? What problems can be solved through improving our communication and what problems will ultimately lead to the downfall of a relationship. It can be hard to know, but following the points raised down below is a good place to start.
You Did Everything You Could to Fix Things
Relationships are hard work, sure, but if you found that you spent most of your time feeling exhausted and stressed with your partner, this is a pretty clear sign that things were not meant to be. Perhaps you made a consistent effort to improve things with your lover, and despite all of the effort you applied, the end result never seemed to change. Even if your partner was equally as invested in trying to improve your relationship, sometimes a joint effort is still not enough and leaving a relationship where both of you were dedicated to making positive changes can be really gut-wrenching. However, in moments like these, it is quite obvious that nothing could have fixed your relationship and parting ways was the best thing both of you could have done.
You Changed Aspects of Yourself For Them
When we spend 24/7 with another person, it can become difficult to remember the person you were before. Every relationship requires both partners to compromise and shift their wants, needs and expectations about things, but making too many alterations can leave us losing the true essence of who we are. We shouldn’t look back longingly at the hobbies, interests or friends that we had before our relationship, and we shouldn’t be searching for how to prove our love by changing who we are. While things inevitably need to change in order to fit someone into your life, there are aspects of ourselves that absolutely do not need to be lost completely. Any partner that encourages you to ditch the things you are passionate about is bad, bad news.
Your Partner Couldn’t Compromise
Drawing on the above point, if a partner cannot change any aspect of themselves to benefit the relationship, then this is also a sign that ending things was the right decision. Of course, we cannot expect our partners to sacrifice the things they love or change core aspects of themselves, but as all relationships require some element of give and take, it’s a major red flag when a partner is unwilling to do so. Being in a partnership with a person is a chance to view life through a different lens and embrace new perspectives, so those who can’t do this are not worth dating at all.
Communication Had Broken Down
It can be difficult to know how to tell a boyfriend he hurt your feelings, but most of us can agree that communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Sure, date nights, physical affection and providing for your partner are what keep a relationship alive, but if you can’t communicate all your thoughts, worries and fears in a healthy way, what’s the point? In a relationship, we should feel comfortable and safe enough to get everything off our chest; feeling anxious about how a partner will react when you share the good, the bad and the ugly with them is a pretty solid sign that a relationship won’t stand the test of time.
There Were Irreversible Issues
Arguments and conflict are a natural part of a healthy relationship, but some issues are without question irreparable. Such issues may include cheating or speaking ill of family members. Or even when a guy suddenly goes cold on you with no explanation. Whatever the problem may be, you need to question the level of betrayal that has been committed. If you can never look at them the same again and their actions have tarnished the entirety of the relationship, then it’s time to move forwards without them.
But We Are Meant to Be Together
One of the hardest things during a breakup is fighting with the feeling that you are ‘meant to be’ with this other person. Perhaps they have cheated on you, or maybe they are unwilling to make any compromises in the relationship, but deep down you are still battling with the notion that this is your forever person. In reality, love can run circles around us and lead us to believe the craziest of things. Ultimately, if a person isn’t treating you right and the relationship is fundamentally flawed, the two of you are definitely not meant to be together.
We’re In Love But Not Together
As just mentioned, we can feel love for people even after we’ve ended things. In fact, love is probably the most magical, all-consuming and devastating emotion that we can experience in life. Love can lead us to change our beliefs, our desires and the way we live our lives. We change who we are when we let people in and alter the future trajectory of our existence. So, feeling love for an ex is natural but we need to remember that, despite these feelings, we haven’t necessarily made the wrong decision. Love comes and goes, waxes and wanes, so having faith in your decision and reminding yourself that it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows in the moment is crucial. That said, soulmates do exist, and sometimes our relationships with them aren’t plain sailing. In these instances, we need to put our trust in the universe and let the intended outcome occur naturally. If you are meant to end up back with an ex, this will ultimately happen.
How Do You Move on From Someone You Love?
Hearing all about rationalizing a break up in one thing, but how do we actually move on from someone we love? How do we overcome the overwhelming feelings of grief when the person we thought we were spending the rest of our life with calls it quits? When we walk away from a relationship, it’s never going to be a simple switch - there is going to be a long road of pain and confusion ahead. While it definitely won’t be easy, there are a few things that can be done.
Mourn, Then Move on
Trying to stick a bandaid over the wounds of a break up is never going to be successful in the long run. We need to embrace the feelings and understand where they are coming from. Suppressing how we feel and pretending that everything is A-okay when you are grieving hard is a bad idea. Find a positive outlet to express your emotions and revel in this painful but natural aspect of life.
Talk About it
Finding a friend or family member who has experienced a similar heartbreak is another great way to move on from a break up. By venting to this person you are able to share your side without question and get some much needed personal advice. Otherwise, simply journaling or using any other form of physical outlet to express your pain is a great idea. After all, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Decide About Communication
Often we find ending the relationship the easiest part of a break up - it’s cutting communication that can be the biggest hurdle of all. While every relationship is different, more often than not it is best to resort to ending all forms of contact. It can feel infinitely more impossible to get over an ex when we make little change to the amount of communication we have with them. By keeping each other on your socials, you are allowing yourself the chance to stalk and obsess over their actions going forwards. By having this constant stream of information about an ex, we are making starting our own journey afresh so much harder.
When You’re Ready, Get Back Out There
After plenty of mourning, venting and deliberating, we need to get ourselves back in the game. Of course, rushing into the dating scene before we are ready will only do more harm than good, but after months of hanging around in our pajamas and feeling sorry for ourselves, we probably know it’s time to take action again. The key is to start slowly and cautiously. There will be plenty of rubbish dates but when someone intriguing comes along, remember not to rush it. After all, we aren’t looking to fill the void left by our ex, instead we are seeking to begin a fresh and exciting journey with a new person altogether. At the end of the day, it is important to enjoy singledom as it is in these phases of our life that we can grow the most as individuals.
There are many resources at Mysticsense that can guide you with your learning and provide insight for any other questions you may have. Get started learning more about navigating a break up at Mysticsense today!
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