Defining Boundaries: Improving Your Relationships

Setting a boundary is important even though it can feel scary to begin with. Find out why it is important to set a boundary and find out how to do it so your life, relationships, and mental health will immediately improve.

Boundaries. The word strikes fear into the hearts of people who are afraid to upset somebody they want in their life. You would think that somebody you are close to would not need any boundaries and that you can share everything. What if you set a boundary and somebody gets so mad, they leave and never come back? If you set a necessary boundary with somebody, and they dump you, that’s a sure sign they were not the right person for you. Join Mysticsense to discover why healthy boundaries are necessary in life. At work, in personal relationships, and even with strangers, find out how boundaries can improve relationships and make your life better and then learn how to set those healthy boundaries. After all, relationships are supposed to make life better, not stressful!

What Exactly Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are things that draw lines, separating your personal privacy from other people. Setting boundaries means you express what you are comfortable with and what you can’t tolerate. It also means expressing what you welcome into your life and how much of your privacy you want to share with other people. Boundaries express how much time you want to spend with other people, and they also express whether you are comfortable or not with someone or something they say or do. Boundaries let people know what you will accept from them, and what your expectations and needs are.

Do we set boundaries with the people we know or just strangers? We set boundaries with everybody. We let our friends and family know what we are comfortable with and what we are available to do. We let our colleagues and peers know when we are available to work and what work we are available to do. We let our romantic partners know what works for us, and we let our parents and children know when we need privacy or space from them. Boundaries set limits within our relationships and allow us to be comfortable, thus making our relationships better. They also help us in times of healing. Read about psychic healing for families here: Psychic Protection for Family Problems

What Happens Without Boundaries?

It might seem cold and isolating to set boundaries, but they are healthy for relationships. They help to allow us some independence and help to prevent codependence. They help us to have an identity outside of our relationships and keep us from feeling overwhelmed in relationships. Without boundaries, bad things happen. Zero boundaries give people complete control of us and makes us burn out easily. Worst of all, it keeps the people we care about in the dark about what our needs and comfort levels are.

Other People Control You

Do you find it difficult or impossible to say no to people? That’s unwise because it will give them complete control of you. Giving other people unlimited access to your time, possessions, and emotions will leave you open to being mistreated, disrespected, and walked on. People will expect you to give them whatever they want, and do whatever they want you to if you don’t set boundaries. That is not good for them either because it means their bad habits are enabled and that keeps them from growing and evolving as a person. Some people are single by choice because past partners have been controlling and you can read about choosing to be single here: Being Single By Choice

You Are Not Honest with People

If you don’t set boundaries, you won’t be able to tell them the truth. If a family member calls you every time they pick a fight and it drives you crazy, allowing them to do it instead of telling them to stop will make them believe it is okay, when in fact it is not. Consenting to give up your vacation at work because someone else decided at the last minute they want to go to an out-of-town festival will make people think it is okay with you. Then as more things like this happen, resentment can build up until you no longer want a relationship with someone and they will be shocked, saying they had no idea something they said or did bothered you. It can even lead to a breakup and you can read about those here: Navigating Breaking Up with Your Soulmate

You Burn Out Easily

Saying yes to everything at work can lead to you being overworked and feeling undervalued until you just quit one day. Allowing your kids to place an endless stream of demands on you can stress your finances and exhaust you to the point you snap at the kids. Allowing your family to boss your significant other around can lead you to avoid your family and it can even lead your partner to break up with you. You don’t have to say yes so much that you get tired of people. Set a boundary and say no when you need to. You might get burned out by an ex, but can you be friends with them? Find out here: Ex-Relationships: Signs of Attention-Seeking Ex.

Why Set Boundaries?

Setting boundaries makes everything better. It makes your life better by allowing you to have your say in things that pertain to you. It also protects your peace. It’s not just about you, though. Setting boundaries makes sure people understand your needs, feelings, and expectations.

To Have a Say

You have the right to decide what happens in your life, and setting boundaries helps with that. So if three different family members expect you to visit them on the day of a holiday, but all that traveling exhausts you, telling them you can’t do it is setting a fair boundary. If your girlfriend wants to go on an expensive vacation, but you can’t afford it, explain what you can afford, and decide on an affordable alternative together. If you are allergic to cats, making sure you live with people who don’t have cats is a necessity, and if your roommate wants cats, telling them they can move is fair. Say what you need and what is acceptable, and stand by that.

To Protect Your Peace

The screaming couple next door seem to always be fighting, and it keeps you up at night. The office flirt won’t stop asking you out. The annoying customer shows up without a reservation all the time then pitches a screaming fit that they have to wait for a table. These people are going to have to be stopped. Turn the fighting couple into the landlord because you deserve to sleep peacefully. Tell the office flirt to stop asking you out or you and HR will have a talk with them about on the job harassment. Tell the customer you are happy they chose your establishment, but screaming fits will result in them being asked to leave. Set boundaries that protect your peace of mind. You are worth it. Read about goddesses and gods of war here: Who is the Goddess and God of War?

So People Understand

If you gave a friend the key to your house, and say they can do their laundry, don’t be surprised if they go in whenever they want to so they can do laundry. You will have to let them know when it is okay to be at your house and when it’s not. Then if they only come to do laundry, you might have to take back your key and tell them they can come visit when they arrange it ahead of time, but they can’t do their laundry there anymore. People need to know what is acceptable and what isn’t. Voltaire said “Common sense is not so common” and he was right. Maybe people should understand something, but until you flat out tell them, they don’t. Explain your boundaries so people understand them.

How Will Boundaries Improve Your Life?

Do boundaries help improve your life, or are they just things that spoiled, difficult people demand? They improve your life in multiple ways. There are physical improvements of course, but there are countless emotional improvements boundaries make as well.

Physical Improvements

Physically, you will have more for yourself once you set boundaries. The friend who expects you to stay out late when you work early the next day won’t be able to make you sleep deprived if you tell them no. The neighbor who takes your parking space won’t be able to do that if you make sure they can’t. Then, you won’t have to walk in the rain from a farther parking space to get inside your home. You will have your own food to eat at home if you tell your roommate to buy their own food instead of eating yours. You will be able to work in peace and quiet if you tell the noisy coworker whose desk is near yours to wear a headset to listen to music instead of blasting it so loud everybody else can hear it.

Emotional Improvements

Boundaries don’t separate you from people. They bring you closer to the right people. Spiritually, boundaries help you close off the wrong relationships and this opens up opportunities to be in better relationships with people who care. People will always come around and take advantage of you if you let them. They will eat up all your time, money, and resources. They will take up residence in your heart and mind and use you for everything they can- if you let them. Preventing such relationships from taking over will keep you from being stressed and feeling isolated because you will only allow things into your life who really care about you. You are worth it. Read about self-care here: Follow Our 10 Steps For Spiritual Self-Care

How to Set Boundaries

Understanding that boundaries are important is one thing, but knowing how to set them is another. Some people just set their boundaries and don’t worry about what people say, but other people need a little preparation first. To begin with, you need to understand that everybody matters- not just other people. You matter too. Then you need to decide what is important. The final step is setting the boundary by saying what it is.

Understand Everybody Matters

Everybody in each situation you are in matters. The family who is demanding you make multiple different visits all on the same day are bugging you because they want to see you and their feelings of love matter. However, they need to understand that it is not loving to insist that you exhaust yourself. When you start thinking of what a boundary should be, take everybody’s feelings and needs into account. And people who are being inconsiderate need to be schooled in being considerate.

Decide What is Important

When you know a boundary needs to be set, think of what is important. Seeing your relatives matters, but not being exhausted also matters. So, you will need to find a solution that takes everything into account. If two of the family members are capable of traveling and the third is not, offer the option of having them all meet you at the home of the housebound family member. If they can all travel and they all want to see you, it’s your turn to host! Invite them all over to see you. You get to see everyone and you also don’t become exhausted, both of which are important.

Speak Your Truth

Explaining what your boundary is and why you need things a certain way will set the boundary in motion. Explain to your three family members that going three places in one day is too much, and you only have time to make one visit. Tell them you love them all and you are unable to decide who you want to see most of all for the holiday. You want to see all of them. Ask them to plan ahead of time so everybody gets to visit but nobody is exhausted. People who care about you will understand and respect your boundaries.

What if People Don’t Like Boundaries?

Somebody probably won’t like your boundaries at some point, and they will push back on them. They might say you are being unfair or selfish and they might say you have no right to your boundaries. However, are your boundaries really hurting your in-laws when you say they cannot visit with the baby while she is asleep? Is it really unfair to your ex-husband that you expect him to only take your son when he has visitation? Is it unfair to your boss that you cannot work 70 hours a week?

Boundaries that are necessary to your wellbeing are not selfish and should not be relaxed. If somebody decides they don’t like the fact you have needs, that is too bad for them. If you are really important to them, then they can respect your boundaries and they can understand your needs. If you have a necessary boundary and someone really has a major problem with them, it may be time to reexamine your relationship with them. Jobs where you are overworked can be replaced and toxic relationships can be let go of.

Boundaries matter because they make your life better. There are going to be people who don’t want you to have boundaries because they want unlimited access to you, but that’s not fair to you. Failure to set or maintain boundaries will result in stress and being taken advantage of. You deserve better. So set your healthy boundaries. You are worth it.

Are you in a sticky situation and don’t know how to set boundaries? A consultation with a psychic can provide answers of how to do it.