Unsolicited advice comes out of nowhere, and can be the most frustrating thing you deal with. Find out the best ways to handle unsolicited advice and maintain your sanity.
There they go again. No matter who says something, this one friend always jumps in with the “perfect advice” to fix every last problem. Nobody wants to hear it. The very sound of their voice when they are giving this unwanted advice is like nails on the chalkboard to you, but they can’t resist bragging about what great advice they give. What can be done? Join Mysticsense to find out what unsolicited advice is, why people give it, and different techniques to deal with it. Find out if there is ever a situation where unsolicited advice is helpful and one surprising thing you can do to never, ever get unsolicited advice again.
What is Unsolicited Advice?
Unsolicited advice is advice you didn't ask for. It can sneak into conversations very casually, can't it? When you mention that you're tired from working overtime every week, and your family member asks you if you're taking enough vitamins, that's unsolicited advice. Sometimes unsolicited advice is not so obvious. When you are working with a team on a project, one of the team members who is not in charge might try to micromanage and “offer helpful advice" instead of paying attention to doing their part. Unsolicited advice can be done more passively. Someone can look at you disapprovingly when you're in the middle of doing something even if you didn't ask for their opinion. Sagittarians are highly opinionated. Read more about that Zodiac sign here: Sagittarius | Traits Star Sign in the Spotlight
A lot of times, unsolicited advice comes from people who feel like they have some kind of seniority over us. New parents get a lot of unsolicited advice from their parents. From insisting that the baby wear certain clothes, eat certain food, and even which pediatrician to see, some people seem to think they know best and that they can handle new parents' business than the new parents can. Your older neighbor who is very proud of their garden might decide to step in and try to tell you how to do your own gardening. Sometimes, people genuinely think they're helping, but other times they're trying to take control of you. About how to take command of your own life if you feel like you're out of control here: Overcome Powerlessness and Take Command of Life
Is there anything more annoying than when you're having a conversation somebody speaks up and just starts giving advice that you didn't ask for? Maybe there is, but while it's happening it might not seem like anything could be more annoying. People who are giving unsolicited advice can get very upset if somebody doesn't take their advice. They attend to see themselves as very wise individuals who are knowledgeable, experienced, and have a lot to share. To be fair, some people who give unsolicited advice are all of those things. They just weren't polite enough to ask you if you wanted their advice. Boundaries are important in relationships. Learn all about setting boundaries here: Setting Boundaries in Your Life and Relationships
Why Do People Do It?
If it's so rude and annoying, why do people offer unsolicited advice anyways? There are few reasons for it. Some people genuinely think they're helping where they give advice that isn’t asked for. Other people either want power or they think too highly of themselves, and have an ego problem. Other people just do it out of habit and don't realize they're doing it.
They Want to Help
Sometimes, people just want to help. To be fair, if you're talking about your problems, somebody who cares about you will want those problems to be solved. They may think they have the perfect solution, so they will automatically offer it. It's always best before offering advice to say, “Do you want my advice?” Sometimes people don't want advice. They just want a friend to listen to them. Most people make the mistake of automatically offering advice when they think they have a perfect solution, and if somebody who loves you does this, it's possible that they're not trying to impose. They just really want to help. Virgos love to help people. You can read about that Zodiac sign here: Virgo Traits | Star Sign in The Spotlight
They Have an Ego Problem
Some people don't necessarily care about helping you when they offer unwanted advice. They just think that they have all the answers. Their unwanted advice is their way of showing that off. In cases like this, unwanted advice is given to brag. There's nothing wrong with being proud of the knowledge and wisdom that you've gained over the years, however there are better ways to showcase that then by meddling in other people's lives by giving unsolicited advice. If your pride is not balanced with humility, your arrogance inflates your ego and you have a problem. Giving advice can make people feel powerful, and that’s why they volunteer unwanted advice. Don't believe it? Study studies prove that and you can read more here: Psychology Says People Who Give Lots of Advice Secretly Want This 1 Thing
It’s a Habit
Some people have been given leadership roles and it's difficult for them to step out of those roles. For example, someone who has been a supervisor at their job for a long time might forget that their role of problem solver is on the job and not in their whole life. So, don't be surprised if they start giving you advice when you didn't ask for it. People who do counseling, teaching, and clergy work are also asked for advice on a regular basis, and they might just automatically give it even if they're not asked for it. Reminding them that they don't have to do that for you and they can just be your friend when you're together can take them off the hook and remind them that they don't have to give advice unless you ask for it. Virtues are great things we form habits doing. Read all about the virtues here: What is a Virtue and How Can You Embody it?
What if They Are Right?
There is one thing that might be more annoying than unsolicited advice- when that advice is correct and helpful. It would be more polite if the person giving the advice asks you if you want it before they give it, but what if they don't and they're right? If their advice is a big help, then that's what it is. Helpful. Good advice can come from anywhere and when you least expect it. Even the people who make the worst decisions in their own lives can have some insight about a decision that you are about to make. The rudest and least qualified people can give you the best advice you've ever had and make a big difference in your life. Empaths give especially good advice and you can read all about their special gifts here: How to Tell if You Are an Empath
Ways to Handle Unsolicited Advice
When someone gives you unsolicited advice if you don't want them to, there's a few simple ways to combat that. First you can simply ignore what they said. If you ignore someone enough, they'll stop doing what they're doing. You could acknowledge the advice and then move on with the conversation, changing the subject. You can also have a heart to heart talk with the person explaining that you didn't ask for their advice and in the future you don't want them to offer advice unless you ask for it.
Ignore It
Some people are anti confrontational, and it would make them very uncomfortable if they addressed the fact that they did not appreciate unsolicited advice. While some people are more upfront and will directly speak their mind, if you're not comfortable with that it's ok. You can simply ignore the advice. You don't have to acknowledge what they said at all, even if they ask if you heard them. Simply pretending that something wasn't said and refusing to acknowledge it can send the message that you do not want their advice. If people don't get the acknowledgement that they want, they will find it elsewhere. So go ahead and ignore them and they'll stop giving you unwanted advice. Sometimes silence is the best response. You can read about all the times when it's wise to stay silent here: When to Be Silent
Acknowledge It and Move On
One great way to deal with unsolicited advice that you don't like but still be anti confrontational is to acknowledge the advice and move on with your conversation. That way the person who feels that they're being helpful by giving advice feels validated and you get to change the subject. Some people don’t want to do that because they feel that that gives encouragement and that more unsolicited advice will come about in the future. You can repeat the acknowledgment and simply move on with the conversation again if it works. Again, not everybody is comfortable speaking up, and there's nothing wrong with that. Even if you're comfortable with speaking up, certain professional relationships call for careful handling of situations. You can't exactly call your boss to keep their opinions to themselves can you? It can take a lot of patience to tolerate unsolicited advice. Learn all about how to become patient here: The Ultimate Guide to Learning Patience
Shut It Down
Another option when unsolicited advice rears its ugly head is to flat out tell the person you don't want to hear it. There are plenty of different ways to do that. If you're comfortable with being direct you can say, ”I did not ask for your opinion, and you need to keep it to yourself.” Some people feel that that is too harsh and they prefer to speak to the person in private and gently ask them to stop offering advice unless they ask for it. You can look them in the eye and explain all the reasons why that advice is not helpful. You don't necessarily have to say anything at all. You can just give the person a very annoyed look, allow them to finish speaking, and then change the subject. You understand your relationships better than anyone else and you will know the best way to ask the person you love to stop giving unsolicited advice. It can take a lot of courage to stop somebody’s bad behaviors. Learn how to channel your inner bravery here: Find Your Inner Courage and Embrace Your Power
When to Listen to Unwanted Advice
When should you listen to advice that you didn't ask for? Since everybody has the ability to give good advice, even people who seem to be the least qualified, it might be a good idea to think over any advice you get no matter what. There might be a hidden bit of wisdom disguised in their rudeness. It seems like almost everybody loves to give advice sometimes, but not everybody offers good advice. Open your mind to the possibility that the advice you're getting is good, even if it was offered without you asking for it. You never know. That individual who was offering unwarranted advice may have the perfect solution. It never hurts to keep an open mind, even if advice was unsolicited. Learn about the benefits of open mindedness here: The Importance of Having an Open Mind
How To End Unsolicited Advice for Good
There is one way to end unsolicited advice for good. This is a very simple thing that anybody can do, and it does not take any special talents or a lot of time. Ready? If you keep your business to yourself, people will not comment about what's going on in your life. That is because if they don't know what's going on, they can't give you advice about it. There are some people who just can't help themselves. They are always going to offer their opinion and advice no matter what. Even if you tell them you don't appreciate it and you don't want to hear it, there are some people that will constantly offer you advice. So don't give them the opportunity to. Problem solved. Unwarranted opinions can lead to relationship failure, but it doesn't have to. Find out what to do about relationship failure here: Why Do Relationships Fail? How Can You Prevent It?
It's all about deciding what's important. Your business is just that, YOURS. Nobody else has access to it unless you give it to them. If people don't know your business, they won't know what to comment on. That doesn't mean that you have to keep everything to yourself. It's just a matter of choosing who you share with. That friendly acquaintance who was always offering unsolicited advice probably isn't the best person to talk to anyways. Don't worry. There are plenty of other friends and family members that you can share with who won't overstep their boundaries and offer unsolicited advice. The people who love you unconditionally are the best ones to talk to. Read about unconditional love here: Unconditional Love Meaning
Unwanted advice can come when you least expect it, and it can be the most annoying thing you have to listen to. You don't have to stand for it though. You can ignore the advice, acknowledge it just to make them stop talking and move on, or shut it down, telling them that you don't want to hear it. Give yourself the opportunity to listen even if the advice was not asked for, because sometimes the best advice comes from the most unlikely places. After all, where would we be without the great advice from the people who we love, unsolicited or solicited?
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