Gaslighting is a form of lying that is used as a manipulation tactic, but what does gaslighted mean? Find out exactly what gaslighting is, why it happens, signs it’s happening, and what to do to stop a gaslighter in the act.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where the gaslighter lies to the victim in order to make them question their own sense of reality. The purpose of gaslighting is to whittle down the trust you have of your own memory, your personal instincts, and to erode your self esteem. It is designed to make you doubt yourself and rely on the word of whoever the gas slider is instead of yourself. It creates a toxic relationship dynamic. The person who is gaslighting assumes more and more control of the thoughts and the entire life of their victim. A very successful gaslighter can convince their victim that they cannot think or do things for themselves and they need their gaslighter to survive.
Gaslighting happens in long-term relationships whether it be in families, friendships, or in romantic relationships. The person who is being gaslit will consistently listen to their gaslighter and the person doing the gaslighting will consistently tell their victim that they are wrong. The gaslighter will also convince the victim to become overly reliant on them. Sometimes this is used by the gaslighter just to feel a sense of control. Other times it's so a gaslighter can control someone sexually, financially, or to get an emotional boost from a sense of power. Gaslighting is a form of abuse. Are you being abused? Find out here: Are You Abused? | The Signs You May Be
Why Do People Gaslight?
Gaslighting is done to try and make somebody think what a gaslighter wants them to. People gaslight because they can. It's all about control. Some people feel the need to control others. Other people feel the need to control the situation because they know they have done something wrong and they don't want to accept the consequences of their actions. Some people who gaslight are narcissists and others have addiction problems. Some are just abusive people even if there is no substance abuse going on. People gaslight because they benefit from it. They know that controlling thoughts is very powerful. Read about the power of your thoughts here: The Power of Mindset
Gaslighters might benefit financially by manipulating someone into believing that they should pay for things. They might benefit by sexually victimizing someone. They might benefit by getting by with violence that they never had to answer for. They might benefit by isolating their partner from other people who they would like to spend time with. Everybody who gaslights, regardless of the underlying motivation for the gaslighting, has one major reason for doing it. They do it because they want to. They are very in touch with the things deep within them that they want. Are you? Learn about your own shadow self here: The Unconscious Self: Embracing the Dark Side
They also do it because they have found a victim who allows it. They might have their victim convinced that they are an unimportant person who can't survive without them, but the fact is, gaslighters are abusers, and abusers need victims. Abusers act as predators praying on a victim, or a host. They feed off the life force, self-esteem, or resources of their host. What happens over time however, is that the abusive, manipulative gaslighter drains the vitality, will, and life force from the people who they are preying upon. Gaslighters know that their words hold great power. Read about the power of words here: Magical Words: The Amazing Power of Words
What Does Gaslighting Cause?
Gaslighting negatively affects a victim’s mental health over time. Harbor Psychiatry and Mental Health says gaslighting can negatively affect your self-esteem and your mental health. It can make you question your sanity or think you can't trust yourself. It can trigger psychological trauma or make you self-isolate. It can cause anxiety or even depression. In relationships, gaslighting can give someone complete control over their victim. Gaslighters can have complete control over someone after they've brainwashed them and use verbal abuse, take complete control of the finances, terrify the person, and manipulate them into doing things that they don't want to. Read more from Harbor Psychiatry and Mental Health here: The Effects of Gaslighting on Mental Health
Signs You’ve Been Gaslighted
When you first realize someone is gaslighting you it might come to a great shock especially if you love or trust the person who's doing it. There are signs that they're doing this. They might question your memories or refuse to listen to you. They might refuse to be held accountable for things that they've done and they might even completely deny what happened. They might admit that something happened, but they'll say that you don't have the details correct. They might even admit that you have the details about what happened correct, but they will criticize your reaction to what they have done.
Your Memories are Questioned
When something has happened and a gaslighter wants to pretend that it didn't, one of the techniques they use is to question whether you remember things correctly. They don't want anybody to know what really happened. So, if they can convince you and anybody else that what you know for a fact happened actually didn't, they will be happy. Sometimes they will question your sanity. Sometimes they will accuse you of outright lying. Sometimes they will say that maybe you just misunderstood, but basically what they're doing is criticizing your mental capacity to understand exactly what happened. The memory is a powerful thing and you can read all about it here: The Mysterious Power of Memories
They Refuse to Listen
When you try to explain to a gaslighter that you know they're lying and trying to be manipulative, good luck. They're not going to listen to anything you have to say because they don't care. Their focus is on manipulating people's perception of reality to match whatever they feel will give them the result that they want. Listening to other people will not accomplish that goal. Most especially if you try to explain to them how hurtful what they're doing is, they won't want to hear it. Your feelings are not their priority and paying attention to what someone else says or feels certainly isn't. Gaslighters show no respect, but everyone deserves to be respected. Find out how to get and give respect here: The Art of Being Respectful and Being Respected
They Are Not Accountable
Gaslighters avoid taking responsibility for what they've done and gaslighting is the manipulative method that they use to help them. If there is no proof of what happened, it's their word against somebody else's word and they will do everything they can to get out of trouble. They seem to be very good at convincing a lot of people of their innocence and they might even turn the tables and accuse their victims of doing something horrible to them by unfairly accusing them. When a gaslighter has done something wrong it will be very difficult to prove it because they have masterfully learned to convince other people of whatever they want them to. Gaslighters will seek to control you and make you powerless but you don’t have to let them. Learn how to take back your power here: Overcome Powerlessness and Take Command of Life
They Deny What Happened
Gaslighters sometimes outright deny what actually happened. They may say that they don't remember it or they may say that it never happened at all. The reason they do this is because they know that what has happened will create a change that they don't want to live with. Not only will they lie to other people about what happened, but they will lie to the person who they did it to, trying to convince that person that perhaps they imagined it or even that they're just crazy. Don't beg a gaslighter to admit the truth because they will probably never be honest about it. Bonds with gaslighters are trauma bonds. Learn all about those here: How to Break a Trauma Bond and Set Yourself Free
They Reconstruct the Narrative
When you tell somebody that something has happened, especially if they are the ones who did it, and they start telling you that’s not what happened, that is gaslighting. They won’t outright deny something happened, but they tell you that certain details are misunderstood by you. For example, if you reveal to a family member that you were abused , they might not want to accept this happened to you. So, they start telling you that you must have misunderstood what happened. At work, reporting someone can result in gaslighting by management if they don’t want to deal with the consequences of what happened. Reconstructing the narrative to manipulate you into thinking you misunderstood what truly happened is gaslighting. Reconstructing the narrative is a lie- and even bigger than a little white lie- are they ever ok? Find out here: Are White Lies Ok? | The Truth
They Criticize Your Reaction
People who gaslight what to get by with things but they don't want consequences. When they have hurt someone and they're called out for what they've done, one of their favorite things to do is accuse the person that they have hurt of overreacting. They might insult you and say they were only kidding and you can't take a joke. They might let you down and accuse you of being demanding. They might cheat and call you possessive. They know that they were in the wrong but they don't want to live up to that. Don't listen to somebody who does something horrible and instead of taking accountability for what they've done criticize their victim. Gaslighters can be terrifying- but fear isn’t always a bad thing. Find out why here: Why Fears Are Good Sometimes
How to Stop a Gaslighter
There are four simple steps to stop gaslighting. First, trust yourself no matter what. Emotionally disengage when gaslighters start pushing your buttons. Don’t let a gaslighter draw you into their mind games, and most of all decide whether you want to stick around a gaslighter.
Trust Yourself
The number one thing that you need to do no matter who you're communicating with is trust yourself. Gaslighters can't accomplish anything if you don't let them. They're counting on you to let them control your mind and convince you of lies. You weren't imagining things that happened. You didn't misunderstand. You didn't overreact. You were there and you know what went on, so trust yourself because you know what happened.
Emotionally Disengage
If someone has control of your emotions, they have control of you. Gaslighters seem to know what your personal triggers are from past trauma and exactly what makes you happy, sad, or afraid. When they start to manipulate these things, that is a red flag that they have the power to gaslight you. Be consciously aware when somebody starts to play with your emotions and emotionally pull back from them. Psychic shielding to block negative energy and that can help protect you from emotionally manipulative people. You can read about how to do that here: Converting Negative Energy into Positive Energy
Refuse to Be Drawn In
One reason why it's easy for gaslighters to control you is because they know how to push your buttons. If you refuse to allow them to do that, they can't gaslight. It's not just your emotions they will play with. They will play mind games. That's what gaslighting is all about. Their whole goal is to manipulate you into thinking something that's not true so that they can control you and whatever situation you're both in. Don't give them control over your mind. Don't believe the lies that they tell you. If somebody tells you something that goes against what you know, don't automatically take their word for it. Do some research to find out and make your own decision. You could even respond to their gaslighting with complete silence. Learn when to speak and when to be silent here: When to Be Silent
Make Choices
Gaslighters deliberately gaslight. It is never by accident. If you know someone who is gaslighting you, after you catch them doing it, you have a decision to make. Will you confront them or keep quiet because you are anti confrontational? Next it’s up to you to decide what direction to move with the relationship. You might decide to forgive your gaslighter and be aware they practice gaslighting, shielding your emotions from the possibility of future abuse. You might also decide you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who gaslights you. If you do decide to maintain the relationship, just be aware, they could gaslight you or anybody else at any time, and don’t let them convince you of their lies. Being gaslit can be a dealbreaker and an irreconcilable difference. Read all about irreconcilable differences here: How an Irreconcilable Difference Causes Breakup
Gaslighters are master manipulators who try to convince other people that what they know happened never actually happened. Gaslighting can create serious problems not only in relationships, but it can make the victims of gaslighting question their own sanity. Signs someone is gaslighting you include them questioning your memories, them refusing to be accountable for things, or outright denying what happened. You don't have to stand for that treatment though. First you have to trust yourself and emotionally disengage when they start gaslighting. Don't let them draw you into their mental games, and make a conscious decision as to whether you want to stick around for that behavior or not. You can beat gaslighters at their own game by taking back your own power and trusting yourself!
Do you think you've been communicating with a gaslighter? Reach out to one of our psychics anytime any day to find out the truth about what's going on.
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